Miss Connecticut Erin Brady, was just crowned Miss USA 2013. But all anyone is talking about this morning is Miss Utah. Why? Because as one of the final six contestants standing, she was one of the few to advance to the all important interview portion of the pageant, and incidentally, completely botch her answer.

The question, posed by Real Housewife, Nene Leakes was “A recent report shows that 40% of American families with children, women are the primary earners, yet they continue to earn less than men. What does this say about society? “Miss Utah’s answer? “I think we can relate this back to education and how we are continuing to try to strive to…to figure out how to create jobs right now… that is the biggest problem now. And I think especially the men are seen as the leaders of this, so we need to try to figure out how to create education better so that we can solve this problem.”

Not as confusing as Miss Teen South Carolina’s answer in 2007, but Miss Utah’s thoughts on what this statistic says about society  was never actually stated and because of it she placed last in the finals, coming in as the fifth runner-up.  Unfortunately there are times in life where saying the wrong thing can really make or break you.  This got me to thinking about relationships and how many times I’ve heard women complain that if they just had said something differently or worded something a bit better, they would have gotten a second date, or dodged a big fight, or even salvaged an entire relationship. In some cases, no matter what you say, right, wrong, or just plain incoherent, is not going to prevent the inevitable. To think we have so much control over another person that all it takes is effective communication on our part would just be plain manipulative. There are other times, though, where verbal vomit can do irreparable damage as seen in this year’s Miss USA Pageant.

It’s hard to always know the right thing to say. In fact, it’s just plain impossible.  Attempting to perfectly craft every word you utter would be exhausting and contrived, anyway. No man wants a women who spends five minutes thinking about what she’s going to say, or regrets and over explains every word she speaks. There is a way, however,  to prepare yourself so that when the when the difficult questions and conversations arise within your relationship, you know how to best handle them.  In my book, “Was It Something I Said? : The answers to all your dating dilemmas” I talk about crafting your “Relationship Vision” in order to feel confident in addressing the tough questions. When you begin dating someone, the promise of a new relationship can be so desirable it may create anxiety within you. You might worry about tripping over your words and putting your foot in your mouth. Or you may believe that there is a perfect response for every situation, but since you have not figured it out yet, you should just remain silent. The secret to articulating your thoughts is to always act in accordance with what you want in a relationship, not just what you want in a man. Most women have figured out what kind of guy they like, right down to his eye color and shoe size, but have put little thought into the “type” of relationship they want. And this is what causes people to stumble when faced with something challenging. Just as it was clear that Miss Utah had never given a thought to what women’s income indicates about society, if you don’t think about the rapport you want between you and your partner, and the respect and connection you share,  you too could flub your chance with a great guy. Envisioning the relationship you want and the connection you seek will enable you to confidently articulate your thoughts in your relationship. Something you can’t do that unless you actually spend time thinking about it. So instead of always asking your friends or family how to respond to a cryptic text or handle a delicate discussion, first and foremost work on crafting your vision… for your vision will

If you aren’t sure how to answer questions about your past relationships, why you aren’t married yet, or how to tell him you aren’t ready for sex, check out “Was It Something I Said?” to get word-for-word advice on how to best address the stickiest of relationship situations!

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