Four Phrases That Can Save Your Relationship

newlovehateThings aren’t good. In fact, they are really, really bad between you two. The love and companionship you once had seems like a thing of the past and now your days are filled with arguments, tears, and misunderstandings. Maybe you’ve tried for so long that you are almost ready to give up, or perhaps you are afraid that the one you love might give up on you. What I know is that most couples who want to stay together make a consorted effort to do so, however, the things they try are usually ineffective.

Since communication is key to any healthy, happy relationship, most end up failing not due to lack of love but lack of understanding, empathy, and appreciation. And it’s not necessarily because we don’t possess those things, but because we don’t effectively communicate them to each other.

I’ve compiled a list of the 5 most important phrases that can turn around even the most broken of relationships.

1. How Can I Help?
When is the last time you said these words to your partner? Maybe you’ve been so caught up in having him or her do things for you that you haven’t thought about what you can do for them. This phrase is especially helpful if you use it at the very time you feel yourself about to get into yet another argument because your boy/girlfriend is in a bad mood and taking it out on you. Imagine that he comes home from a long day, doesn’t greet you with open arms, and immediately jumps down your throat for something trivial because he’s just had it with crappy job, shitty boss, or anything that is unrelated to you. You could get your panties in a bunch, defend yourself and retort with some snide come back, or you can recognize that his bad attitude is actually a cry for help.

2. What Would You Like Me To Do or Say?
Said honestly and not sarcastically, this statement can save you a ton of time and frustration. Most of the time we think we are hearing people accurately (when we are not) and then we decide on what action to take based on that inaccurate assessment (which ends up doing nothing for them.) To get to the point, and start making positive changes right away, just ask your partner what they need from you instead of guessing.

3. You’re Right.
I find this phrase is more effective than the ever-popular “I’m Sorry.” It may be because “I’m sorry” is over-used, or sometimes said half-heartedly, but “You’re Right” hardly ever goes wrong. The key with these two words is, again, in timing. When your partner is telling you how they feel, citing places where you could improve, don’t jump to point your finger back at them and start listing examples of where they, too, could improve. Instead just sit there, listen, and say, “Your Right.” This is usually so disarming that it stuns the other person into softening up immediately. Then, you can have your turn to vent your frustrations.

4. I appreciate that you…
This one speaks for itself. It’s been said by numerous experts that the number one reason people leave relationships or cheat on their spouses is lack of appreciation, not lack of love. So how important do you think it is to actually say the words, “I appreciate”? Yeah, pretty important. It doesn’t matter what it is that you appreciate either… emptying the dishwasher, sending a sweet text, remembering an important date, whatever it is, just tell the one you love that you appreciate their efforts.

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Why Carly Leaves Brokenhearted, Jade Gets Engaged, and Ashley I. will remain single forever…

Ok, Ashley I. may not be single forever, but she will fly solo for several more years at least. I’ll explain more on that later. First, let’s talk about why Carly Waddell is going to leave Bachelor In Paradise in tears, especially when everything seemed to be going so well between her and Kirk Dewindt. It appeared that the two were inseparable as we watched them hang out, hook up, and fall deeper in love week after week. The truth is, although it felt like they had secured a solid relationship, the fact is that they were only in paradise for a total of 3 weeks of filming. So as Carly gushed and blushed about Kirk, even announcing on the fifth episode that she was eager to have sex with him, she had only truly known him for a matter of days. Although Kirk reciprocated her feelings to some extent, he did express concern to her about how fast the relationship was going. At that point, Carly should have red the writing on the wall and pumped the brakes! But she didn’t. And I believe this is why the relationship ended up failing. Her desire to have a relationship with Kirk overpowered her ability to hear what he was saying. Carly fell victim to same dating pitfall that thousands of other women do everyday – she thought only about what she wanted and ignored what Kirk needed.

If Carly had only been more aware of Kirk’s hesitation and mirrored his interest, things might have turned out differently. Which leads me to Jade and Tanner. Although they were both equally excited about the other, Jade was very careful to let Tanner voice his feelings first and let him set the pace of the relationship. She didn’t get overly hopeful that Tanner was “The One” and remained fairly cool, calm, and collected… how you really should be after only a couple of weeks of seeing someone. Tanner was able to still pursue Jade because of this, something that Carly took away from Kirk. With Jade, the challenge to win her over was still present, but with Carly it was obvious that she was there for the taking from day 1. For this reason, I predict that Jade and Tanner will be the ones to get engaged tonight.

And how much time do we have to spend on sweet but misguided, Ashley I.? Her heart is always in the right place, and she genuinely seems like a nice person, but she is another example of letting what you want supersede all other factors… even when the other factor is a completely uninterested male. She made it clear as crystal that Jared was the only guy she wanted from the moment she stepped on that sandy beach. She didn’t know him at all, but she made up her mind that it was Jared or bust. When you make that kind of decision, you are basing it on completely superficial reasoning. Sure, Jared turned out to be a nice, decent guy, but that isn’t why she went for him in the first place. As she said numerous times, it was his “perfect face” that did it for her and she wasn’t attracted to anyone else, nor willing to give anyone a chance. The self-proclaimed “picky princess” will continue to suffer heartache after heartache if she approaches all her relationships this way. She has to be open to getting to know a man on a deeper level before making a decision about how she feels about him. Until she does that, I’m afraid she’s going to have to stock up on her waterproof mascara because there will be many more tears in her future.

Have you ever wondered what is it that you did wrong with a guy? If you can’t figure out why he didn’t like you, or want to find out if there is a chance to win him back, contact Jess McCann for a personal consultation. Continue reading

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Do men really not like talking about their feelings? Or does it depend on who’s asking?

This is the question of the day. I need to solve this problem once and for all. I went out to dinner last week with a girlfriend who had been dating a guy for almost six months. They spend at least 2-3 nights a week together, have met each others friends, and of course, are in an intimate relationship. Sounds routine, right? I am not so sure. In the six months of their courtship, nothing has been said about their “relationship”. He’s not said, “I love you” or even, “You are my girlfriend.” They just don’t talk about their feelings … Continue reading

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