Why Has He Changed? Will he ever be like he was before?

Dear Jess,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months, and it’s been really great. When we first started dating he was very effusive with his feelings. He always complimented me, and told me how he was crazy about me. Recently though, he hasn’t been saying those things as much. We still see each other a lot, and his actions haven’t changed but I’m scared that he’s losing interest based on the fact that he doesn’t tell me how he feels anymore. I’ve freaked out on him a couple times over this, hoping he’ll give me what I need but it hasn’t worked. Do you think I should be worried? How do I get him to be like how he was before?

Thank you!<= Feeling worried in Wisconsin

Dear FWIW,

I know you may be freaked out right now but what you are going through is actually very common. Men are hardly ever as verbose and effusive about their feelings as they are when you just start dating them. The reason is that the first stage of falling in love, otherwise know as infatuation, causes massive amounts of dopamine to be released. This creates a temporary high, so to speak. It’s why we can’t concentrate, why we daydream, and why we get excited at the mere mention of that very special someone. While in this state, men typically become extremely emotional beyond their normal state of being. They can’t stop their mouths from spilling about all the wonderful feelings you give them..but as you settle into the relationship, that overflow of emotion tapers a bit, and you may hate to hear this, but that is normal, and not something that really needs changing. You are just moving into another stage, one that is actually closer to real love. This stage doesn’t have your man chasing you down with flowers, candy, and “I love you’s” but it is bringing you to a place of mutual respect, deep appreciation, and true companionship. Accepting this next stage, and not fighting it may be hard for you, as it is for some women. Let me be honest and say though that the trouble may not be that your man isn’t verbal enough, rather that you need constant reassurance. But asking for a guy to reassure you everyday of his feelings will exhaust him. Eventually he will just move on to someone who is less high maintenance.

If your guy shows you affection, is trust worthy and committed, you really need to ask yourself why is it that you need daily affirmations to be happy and relaxed? The truth may be that your own insecurities are driving you while pushing your boyfriend to his brink. So what should you do from here? To maintain a happy and loving relationship you have to focus on giving your boyfriend what he needs from you, instead of dwelling on your self-rooted fears. Try leading by example, and tell your boyfriend how much you love him and care for him. Say it as much as you wish he would say it to you. Often if we be the change we want, we get the change we need.

For more advice from Jess McCann.com visit her older blogs here. Continue reading

Share
Posted in dating and hooking up, Dating and Relationship Book, Dating Coach, Dating Tips, Dating Website, why don't guys like to talk about their feelings? | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Do men really not like talking about their feelings? Or does it depend on who’s asking?

This is the question of the day. I need to solve this problem once and for all. I went out to dinner last week with a girlfriend who had been dating a guy for almost six months. They spend at least 2-3 nights a week together, have met each others friends, and of course, are in an intimate relationship. Sounds routine, right? I am not so sure. In the six months of their courtship, nothing has been said about their “relationship”. He’s not said, “I love you” or even, “You are my girlfriend.” They just don’t talk about their feelings … Continue reading

Share
Posted in he doesn't talk about his feelings, how to get him to talk about his feelings, why don't guys like to talk about their feelings? | 7 Comments