Everything You Need To Know About A Guy You Can Learn From How He Drives

He’s a sweet guy. He always asks you about your day. When you needed a ride to the airport he didn’t hesitate to volunteer, and when you go out to eat he always let’s you pick the appetizer. It’s only been a few months, but everything is going so well, and that, in itself, may be your biggest reservation. When life is on cruise control and there aren’t many complications, how can you see what a man is really made of? It’s so easy to be agreeable and easy going when you aren’t in the midst of stress or disappointment, but that’s when you usually see someone’s true character.

I’ve got a theory, and although it’s not been scientifically tested, I think it’s pretty accurate most of the time. If you want to know who a guy is, and what he’s like in a relationship (especially in times of stress or disagreement), all you need to do is check out the way he drives.

The road is the only place where we all have to coexist with each other in completely neutral territory. How a guy treats his fellow drivers tells you a lot about how he views himself, other people, and life in general. For example, does he put the pedal to the metal, speeding down streets, cutting people off in attempt to get where he’s going fast? If that’s his typical behind-the-wheel behavior then you are dealing with someone who thinks he owns the road. How does that translate in a relationship? Typically, this kind of guy always thinks he’s in the right, and has little regard for other people’s feelings. You’ll find out quickly that when it comes to you, his motto is, “My way or the highway.”

Or maybe he’s not the kind of guy to disobey traffic laws, and he’s generally a pretty safe driver, but heaven forbid if someone else doesn’t use their turn signal! Or worse, they change lanes unexpectedly and cut him off. If you are in a relationship with someone that explodes into road rage when other people don’t drive to his liking you are dealing with a perfectionist. This is the kind of guy that is happy when things are going his way, but when he has to deal with opposition or imperfection, his mood sinks. This can be hard in a relationship because life isn’t perfect and you can’t control everything, so having a partner who is easily aggravated by that fact can be a big source of stress. Perfectionists have big mood swings both on and off the road.

Then there is the overly cautious driver. The one who won’t pull out into traffic if he sees a car coming two miles away. He’s likely to coast under the speed limit, and never passes on an opportunity to wave another driver ahead of him. He’s not the most confident guy, and most definitely a people-pleaser, but there is nothing wrong with that. You just have to accept that you are coupling up with a man who takes his time, and for some women, that can be frustrating. He’s likely to put your feelings first in your relationship, which is good, but he can also put other people (your friends, your neighbor, your neighbor’s dog) before your relationship, as well.

These are just a few of the road habits that can give you insight about a guy. It’s a secret strategy that has served me (and my clients) well when assessing the opposite sex. It’s better than fishing for information through friends or family because they will always be somewhat biased. That’s the great thing about the road. Everyone uses it, so everyone has a relationship with it, but the road itself is never partial. It’s a mirror, bringing out the true colors in anyone who’s on it. That’s why if you want to know who someone is, just ask the road. It never lies.

If you are having trouble assessing someone you are dating, or if you are in a relationship or marriage with someone you don’t know how to deal with, please contact me about coaching at www.jessmccann.com/contact

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Connecticut Shooting: How can you help prevent another tragedy?

The sadness around the country is pervasive. Our thoughts and prayers are with the families who have senselessly lost their loved ones in Friday’s mass shooting in Sandy Hook. How could something so terrible have happened is still incomprehensible, and how we can prevent a tragedy like this from occurring yet again is now weighing on everyone’s mind. Should we have stricter gun laws? Should we have police monitoring schools? Should the media stop reporting on details that inadvertently make these killers memorable? These are some of the questions that will be examined and decided by (for the most part) our state and federal government, but left me feeling a bit powerless this morning. I want to help ensure that our country is safe for our kids. I don’t want to just sit and sob as the names of the young victims are read on TV. I want to do something so I can contribute to making today’s world a place where you can send your child to school and not have to worry about them returning home at the end of the day.

This morning I heard a Rabbi from Sandy Hook mention that the shooter, Adam Lanza, was bullied and picked on in his earlier years, a common theme that links him to other mass murderers, like Virgina Tech shooter, Seung-Hui. The Rabbi said explicitly that being bullied does not excuse the crime, but it does provide insight into the minds of some of these apathetic killers. Many of them have lead isolating lives. Many have been laughed at, picked on, and teased. Now, for people without mental health issues, being bullied can damage their self-esteem for life. But for people who are mentally unstable already, we have seen too frequently now how being bullied can cause unspeakable crimes felt across an entire nation.

Most parents I know teach their children to play nicely with others. We scold kids for fighting and praise them for sharing, but children develop their behavior more from what they see, not what they are told, which means we have to be the example we want our kids to follow. I remember a few years back, sitting at an intersection with my husband when the car in front of us started backing up and accidentally hit us. No one was injured and the damage to both cars minimal, but the driver got out and began screaming at us for being too close to her. My husband and I starred at her in disbelief as she called us every name in the book. She rolled her eyes and swore under breath, and all the while her sixteen year old daughter sat in the passenger seat. I’m sure this woman was just having a bad day, but she was clearly teaching her child that her behavior was acceptable.

I know that most of us would never cause an accident and then berate the very person we ran into, but what about other common occurrences that cause us to act bully-like? How can we tell our kids to be nice to each other at school if we come home and yell or make snide remarks to our spouses? How can we tell little boys and girls not to lash out when they are frustrated if we can’t keep our cool during a traffic jam? If we want to put an end to bullying and try to prevent retaliatory events, I don’t think more talking is the answer. I think the answer is us being the right example when it really matters.

I think it also means all of us adults being nicer to people in general. Smiling more at each other, or lending a helping hand. If someone is different and we as grown-ups don’t make the effort to chat with them and show our children to love all types of people, what can we really expect? Asking kids to do something that we as adults aren’t doing is hypocrisy. Now that we are no longer adolescents, the world is our school and we are each others classmates. We need to show the next generation how to be kind to each other so that we can do our small part in preventing another terrible and tragic event.

I don’t know what will happen in regards to gun control. I don’t know if the answer is to add more school security. I do know, however, that I can control how I interact with every human being I encounter, and hopefully being kind, tolerant, and loving, especially in times where it is difficult to do so, will inspire others to do the same. Please join me.

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