Should I take my ex back?

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The reports are fuzzy, but they are there. Jon Mayer and Jennifer Aniston may not be fully back together, but something is definitely brewing between them. For me, that is all I need to hear to say what I am going to say. Is Jennifer Aniston perhaps the dumbest woman alive? Wow. Please for the love of God, someone give her my phone number. I’ve been a big fan of Jen’s for years and yes, I even had the Rachel haircut back in the day, so I’m pulling for her, but cheese and crackers she is making it tough these days.

If she does give Mayer a chance, this will be three times and it won’t be a charm. Hello, Jen, ever hear of the definition of insanity? It’s doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. That is what you are doing. Dating the same ego-centric bad boy musician and expecting him to suddenly turn into loving, selfless, committed boyfriend. Ain’t going to happen.

While I’m at it, Kate Hudson, you may as well get in on this too.

I had a woman email me a few months ago asking for some advice. She has been having an on-and-off relationship with a guy much like Aniston. They would fight and break up but ultimately get back together again. Every time, he swears he’s going to be better, but so far it hasn’t been the case. So how do you know when it’s a good idea to take back your ex? How do you know if it will really work this time?

There are a few good ways to tell if taking back your ex will yield the result you want. Here is what you must do:

1. Take yourself out of the equation. Look at this man’s other relationships. How does he interact with his friends? His co-workers? His mother? Is he close to them? Or do they themselves have complaints about his behavior? Judy, who is 42, was trying to decide on rekindling with her ex when she realized that all his friends joked repeatedly about his “my way or the highway” attitude. That was it for her. She realized, it wasn’t just his relationship with her that was difficult, it was his relationship with everyone. He was born that way, and he wasn’t going to change.

2. Is it timing or personality? Sometimes a guy is just not ready for a big commitment. So how do you know that this time he will take you all the way to the alter? Figure out why it didn’t work the last time around. Ellen from KY wrote me about a fair-weather ex that would disappear whenever things got too serious. “He would leave me whenever I had a problem, but he’d be there for all his other friends. So I knew he just wasn’t ready for something serious with me because he could handle other problems with other people.”

3. Don’t take him back right away. The worst thing you can do is take your ex back the minute he asks. By the next day he’s sitting on your couch and you are baking banana bread for him like nothing ever happened. You must tell him that if he wants to come back, he will have to make a few promises and you will have to see him make good on them first. He is more likely to prove himself before getting back with you than after. So use this leverage! Because once he’s back in the nook, it’s gone. He’s got what he wanted and he won’t be trying anymore. Just having him say things will be different is not good enough. You have to make him work for it or you are destined for another disastrous break-up.

If you are having trouble in your relationship and would like a one-on-one coaching session, you can email me at coach@jessmccann.com New! As of September 27, 2011 – You can follow me on Twitter @iamJessMcCann

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Posted in Dating Coach, Dating Tips, Dating Website, ex husbands | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

2 Responses to Should I take my ex back?

  1. KGIRL says:

    Hey
    This has helped me a lot in deciding if i should take my ex back and if i do, what needs to be done!

    Thankyou!

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