Am I in a relationship of convenience?

By Nuttakit

By Nuttakit

My husband and I were out to dinner with some friends the other night and one of them started talking about her relationship with her boyfriend. She had been frustrated over the last several weeks because of his inflexible attitude. We all listened and gave her the usual, polite excuses for his behavior (after all you can’t tell someone the harsh truth with seven other people sitting there.) But after dinner my husband shook his head and said to me, “I feel really bad for her. It’s obvious that he’s only with her out of convenience.”I thought it was interesting to have the male perspective on this. So I asked him. What’s the number one sign that a guy is only with a girl because it’s convenient? His answer? I’m going to paraphrase because it was late and I was full of spicy tuna rolls, but it went something like, “when a guy gets annoyed at the drop of a hat by anything his girlfriend says or does, that’s a big sign of a relationship of convenience.” So for example, you are running late from work and you call your boyfriend to ask him to take the chicken out of the fridge and pre-heat the oven for you, and he gets annoyed and tells you that he’s about to go to the gym and can’t be bothered.  Or, you have told him that your cousin wants to have you two over one night, and when you bring it up for the third time he says something like, “I don’t know when I can do it! Why do you have to keep asking me every five minutes??”

If your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or partner has a very short fuse and you hesitate to ask them for anything, you may be in a relationship of convenience. If it’s not convenient for them to get off their butt and pre-heat the oven, or it’s not convenient for them to sacrifice a night at your cousins, how can you argue his intentions?  My husband spoke from his own experience and said, “I’ve been there. When I’m mentally done with a relationship, but haven’t told the girl yet, it’s exactly the way I act. It’s not cool, but sometimes the guy doesn’t even realize the reason why he’s doing it. Often in these situations, the guy ends up pushing the girl to end the relationship. He’s such an inflexible jerk, she has no choice.”

If there is anyone reading this and thinking, this sounds too familiar, then it’s time to have a serious talk with your partner.  When it comes to relationships, both parties have to compromise. You are going to have to do things for each other that you may not always want to do.  If your significant other truly cares about you, he’s going to want to see you happy, even if it means doing something that isn’t exactly convenient for him.  Sit him down and tell him how you feel.  Don’t point fingers or place blame.  Just say what you have been feeling and wait for his response. If he loves you and wants this to work out, he will make more of an effort.

For one on one coaching advice, contact me through my website at www.jessmccann.com/contact or follow me on Twitter @iamjessmccann

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Posted in Am I in a relationship of convenience?, Dating Coach, Dating Tips, Dating Website | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

4 Responses to Am I in a relationship of convenience?

  1. Doug says:

    Wow, this is the best advice I have read online. Will make sure not to repeat this mistake ever again! It's not fair for her or me.

  2. Paul says:

    Love the advice, but when your with a “flake/ fruitcake/ tire slashing suicidal maniac, and death doesn’t factor into your immidiate plans, and you can’t afford another set of tires… How is a guy to let a girl know the relationship is over? I give up, the sex was great, thank you very much, but your not my type. NO I will not marry you. No I do not want you to text me every 5 minutes, NO you cannot come over at 3 a.m. because you miss me/ will do any crazy sexually wierd thing I want, just to come over. No, do not text me every dirty joke you heard at the office. What does one do when, Please I Like you, I think your wonderful, I am not ready for a relationship with you, or anyone…I cannot give you what you deserve, Its me not you, just doesn’t work?
    I refuse to get a restraining order, but EVERY SOUND I HEAR IN THE NIGHT, makes me wonder … damn it, its easier to sleep with her, than worry what she might do… except for her snoring. Sleepless in Yuma

  3. Helpless says:

    Sorry about the pyscho. Thess really good advice, but what should one do if they got married and had two kids by the loser before it just becam convenient?

  4. cathy says:

    Boyfriend of 1yr we have set days were we see each and If I ask for any more time with him than what we already scheduled, he gets annoyed and fustrated, we both work m-f both 37. No kids no ex wife’s or husband. Nothing standing in our way, but yeah he gets very annoyed fustrated when he gives me additional time. Does that mean i am in a relationship of convience ?

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