Do men really not like talking about their feelings? Or does it depend on who’s asking?

This is the question of the day. I need to solve this problem once and for all. I went out to dinner last week with a girlfriend who had been dating a guy for almost six months. They spend at least 2-3 nights a week together, have met each others friends, and of course, are in an intimate relationship. Sounds routine, right?

I am not so sure.

In the six months of their courtship, nothing has been said about their “relationship”. He’s not said, “I love you” or even, “You are my girlfriend.” They just don’t talk about their feelings or where they stand. She says he’s just “being a boy” and doesn’t like talking about his feelings. I think he doesn’t like talking about them because he doesn’t have any! I’ve seen this scenario before with other women too. I often ask them, why would you date someone for a year, two years, or three, without hearing a peep from the guy about how he’s feeling? It’s incomprehensible to me. I couldn’t spend time with someone and just assume they loved me. But there are many, many girls out there that either don’t seem to care, or don’t want to face the music.

So I am asking all you guys right now. What’s the deal here? Are you just being a guy, like most women believe? Do you really hate talking about how you feel? Or does it depend on who does the asking? Do you actually know how you are feeling, and fear the answer could get you kicked out of bed? Be honest. What’s the truth?

Posted in he doesn't talk about his feelings, how to get him to talk about his feelings, why don't guys like to talk about their feelings? | 7 Comments

7 Responses to Do men really not like talking about their feelings? Or does it depend on who’s asking?

  1. Anonymous says:

    If men don't want to talk about their feelings, we all know why. Unfortunately, he feels bad expressing he doesn't see the relationship going long term. He might care for the woman, but he doesn't want a future with her. Yet he knows he has his cake, and why not keep it going until someone better comes along.

  2. Bill says:

    All of the above really. If we are dating someone for 6 months and haven't talked about where we stand, we just are not really into you (FB). If we were into you, we would let you know, but I don't think we would want to go on and on about how we feel. Most men do not elaborate in detail how we feel. Listen to a guy conversation about a first date, and then listen to a girl conversation about the same first date and you will see my point. Bottom line is, if we are into you, you will know. How much detail we give will depend on the man. My $.02

  3. Ginny says:

    I don't understand why men waste their time and 'ours' when they could be using that energy seeking out a gal who will drive him crazy in the best of ways? It totally ruins the fun of finding Her and experiencing love in the fullest of ways with Her.

    Regarding those who take it as far as sleeping with the woman, sure, it "feels good", but for that matter so does junk food. Does this mean I should gorge myself on Reeses PBCs instead of eating to stay healthy and attractive? Well, you're doing the same thing when you pig out on women – you become less and less attractive to the kinds of girls you *will* want a relationship with when they come along. Sure it takes discipline (big time), self-respect, and maturity but we have faith in you! Anyway, just a thought – take it or leave it.

    By the same token girls, why waste your truly precious time and even more precious lovin'??? The sooner we collectively realize how much happier the men are 'in the chase', how precious are our bodies, time, and love, and start respecting ourselves the sooner we'll all be happier. I mean really, what girl doesn't feel like a princess when a cutie pie is after her?!

    Btw Jess, love your blog!

  4. Jess McCann says:

    Thanks Ginny! Your points are valid and I agree with every one of them. Unfortunately both men and women do waste time in relationships that aren't going anywhere… in part because they have no better option at that moment, and also because some people feel like being with anyone is better than being with no one. Sad, but it happens… it happens all the time. Thanks for being a faithful reader, Ginny!

  5. Anonymous says:

    If he was really into her he'd want to make sure that she wasn't dating other men. I've heard the argument that some men just don't like to say "I love you" and you should infer their feelings from their actions, but even assuming such men exist I'd never want to date someone so closed off they couldn't say those three little words. If you end up getting married he'll give the children complexes and low self-esteem from never hearing their father say that he loved them.

  6. Nicole says:

    I’ve been dating a man for 6 months – and he hates to discuss feelings. I can tell when we’re together he cares about me. He says he cares, we are dating exclusively and misses me when we’re not together. But this is a frustrating situation! Of course I’m used to dating douche bags who promise me the world so I’m trying something different. It’s both refreshing and irritating to date a man who only promises things he plans to do, only says what he means and doesn’t play games. Of course it’s challenging to NOT be that woman and demand to know how he feels, his deepest darkest feelings lol…’s a work in progress.

  7. Ana says:

    We’ve been together on in off for six years and he hates when I ask do you love me?? Like 2-3 times he ask me to marry him? But can’t because I have a fiancée. Don’t. Love him but have a safe stable home with our children! It’s getting really awkward because I love my lover but don’t know if he does?

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