The Love-Hate Relationship: Why women want to be with men who frustrate them

newlovehateWhen a girl likes a guy, she will put up with a lot. Flaking on phone calls, cancelling plans, and even dropping hints that a long term relationship may not be in the cards. Every day I receive emails from women who are desperately seeking advice on how to deal with the object of their affection and frustration. While I can give tips and techniques on how to get him to initiate more texts, or how to have that relationship talk, the real question here is why do so many women want to be in a relationship with someone who constantly frustrates and disappoints them?

1. You Only Really Like The Outside. He may be 6’2, drive a Benz, and have a wicked cute smile, but he also cancels at the last minute, waits days to call, and keeps you on edge at all times.  You want him, but you also can’t stand him and that is because you are smitten with the exterior package he portrays. Sure, he’s good looking, charming, and funny, but those are all surface level qualities and what matters most when deciding to get involved with a man is his core character. Is he a man of his word? Is he someone who puts others first? Does he treat all people with the same respect? Most importantly, how does he make you feel when you’re with him? As I talk about in my book, Was It Something I Said?: The Answer to All Your Dating Dilemmas, these are the more important things to consider, so when you are frustrated by your guy, ask yourself if what’s going on here is that you love the outside but hate what’s inside? Even though you may be wildly attracted to him now, after a few years of being with a man who lacks character, you won’t care how cute his butt looks in those jeans. You won’t be able to stand the sight of him.

2. He’s A Prize To Be Won. You’ve already invested a few months and although things aren’t exactly going well, you’ll be damned if you give up and walk away now. But your quest to officially land him has become more about validating yourself than it is about finding true love. When we get involved with people who are selfish or unreliable (for example) it make us question are worth. It shouldn’t, because it’s not our fault a guy lacks character, but for some reason we tell ourselves that if he liked us more, he’d behave better. So getting him to change his ways is secretly about regaining our own self-image. If we get him to like us, we think we’ll feel confident again. Sadly, however, it’s not only a lost cause because a leopard doesn’t change his spots, but when we put our self-worth in anyone’s hands but our own, it will never be safe.

3. You’re addicted To “Wanting” A Relationship.  Yes, it is a real addiction just like drugs, alcohol, or designer shoe shopping. You can become addicted to wanting a relationship. Therefore you subconsciously pick people that will never give you one, and reject people that you know want one from you! After years of riding the relationship roller coaster with men, you’ve become addicted to the high’s and low’s. The safe, stable, ground seems boring and uninteresting to you. Unfortunately, real love does not feel like your riding Magic Mountain, so if you keep chasing the “wanting” feeling, you’ll never get to the real good stuff.

If you are only attracted to the wrong types of guys and constantly find yourself never satisfied with your relationships, it may be time to seek professional advice. You can contact me through my website for personal coaching, or you can pick up my two books on Amazon or at any book store.

To read more of my advice blogs, click here.

The photo above is provided by Freedigitalphotos.net/By marin, published on 11 November 2012 Stock photo – image ID: 100112062

Dating advice, dating coach, dating book

Was It Something I Said? By Jess McCann

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Posted in dating and hooking up, Dating and Relationship Book, Dating Coach, Dating Tips, Dating Website, does my boyfriend still love me, Should I leave my husband or boyfriend?, what does he mean when he says he needs time | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

One Response to The Love-Hate Relationship: Why women want to be with men who frustrate them

  1. Putic says:

    For a relationship of 2 years and above to make beettr and work, depends on how the couples involved relate with each other. It’s very easy to assume you know all there is to know about your partner. These few tips on how to make a relationship last sh’ld help and I’m positive about this just as you also sh’ld;1. Relationships change. You need to be aware of how they are changing and adapt to those changes.2. Have clear definitions of the type of intimacy you want (e.g. romance, nurturing and the feeling of wanting to be with the other person or sexual desire).3. Nurture your loving feelings. Try to do one loving thing for your partner everyday – a massage, a cup of tea in bed, a text message to say you are thinking of them…..the possibilities are endless

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