The 3 Reasons You May Be Cursed In Love

Cursed_eBook_coverYou can’t believe it happened again. Another guy has disappointed you, and you’re beginning to wonder if the Universe just has it out for you. Why else would you attract another bad man into your life when all you want to do is find a good one? If this sounds like you, you may be asking yourself right now if there is something about you that is unknowingly telling men that it’s okay to lie to you…or cheat on you…or not commit to you. Whatever specific pattern keeps repeating itself in your relationships doesn’t matter because at the root of it all, bad behavior from a man boils down to one common theme: Selfishness. Doesn’t matter if he’s a liar, cheater, or a player. At the core of all those afflictions stands a man who simply cares more about himself than you. The question is, why do you keep falling for men who put themselves first?

1. Selfishness is often confused with confidence. When a guy is all about his wants and needs, he often puts up a fight to do things his way. He also spends little time asking what you want to do and simply moves forward making plans that are to his liking. To a lot of women this may seem like the guy is just being manly and taking control. After all, who doesn’t like a confident guy who knows what he wants and takes charge to get it. However, there is a fine line between confident and selfish. A confident guy will still make sure you feel heard and strive to ensure that your wants and needs are met. A selfish man will argue why his way is better.  If he constantly alters plans that you’ve made, and accuses you of being the inflexible one, this man isn’t self-assured. He’s self-absorbed.

2. You are constantly seeking approval. Ever wonder why you love a challenge? Ever ask yourself why you don’t like the guys that like you? It could be that you aren’t looking for love but instead are addicted to seeking approval, and the selfish man will keep you in a constant state of that.  Since you don’t realize why he never quite seems satisfied with you, your daily MO is aiming to please. It becomes a rush when he is happy and accepting of you, but a terrible let down when he doesn’t.  This indicates that you are dating with your ego instead of your heart.  The heart wants to find comfort and contentment, but the ego wants to seek approval and gain validation. Therefore anyone that you sense you have to “win over” is enticing.  The sad part is that if you ever do triumph and conquer, you’ll just get bored and move on.

3. You cannot accept people for who they are. You would rather die than give up on him. On the outside he’s so perfectly your type, or you are so tired of being single, that the thought of letting go and moving on feels like you’re passing up on the best opportunity you’ll ever have.  You think you can work on his flaws and possibly change him to be the caring, sensitive, and thoughtful person you know he can be. The hard truth is that we are back at reason 1 one for why you keep attracting the wrong guys. No matter how cute, well dressed, in shape or intellectual he is, at his core, he’s just a selfish guy. And changing that is not something you can do – he has to figure it out on his own. The best thing you can do is point it out and walk away. If he wants to work on that, let him do it on his own time and pray when he’s figured it out that you are still available.

If you think you are attracted to the wrong men, or are constantly living in an approval seeking state, it may be the very reason your relationships have not worked out thus far. Check out my newest book, Cursed? Why you still don’t have the relationship you want and the 5 cures that can transform your love life.” Or contact me for personal coaching so that you can break your own “Curse” and make your next relationship the right one.

Let others know how you stopped dating the selfish man, or ask a question about it below!

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Posted in abusive relationships, dating and hooking up, Dating and Relationship Book, Dating Coach, Dating Tips, Dating Website, how to find a husband, how to get him to commit, should I leave him | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

5 Responses to The 3 Reasons You May Be Cursed In Love

  1. Tina Truman says:

    I always get the wrong guy. He picks me. He seems interesting, says all the right things and seems to have it altogether and he makes plans to meet, but than there is always a reason he cannot. For instance he has to go out of town on a business trip and than he calls asking me to send him money or buy him things that he forgot for his trip. I tell him no and he starts crying. I hang up and do not ignore his phone calls. Just wondering when do I get the guy that makes me happy?

    • jessmccann says:

      It sounds like you might be a online target for some reason. I’m guessing these guys are people that you haven’t met in person, and you only have a virtual relationship with? Unfortunately, a lot of women are experiencing this. My best advice is not to have a lot of communication before you meet. Don’t give out your number, and only communicate online through the app or site you use. If after 3-5 messages, you haven’t met and he comes up with a lot of excuses as to why he can’t, move on. Assume he’s a predator and don’t waste your time or tears. Only get excited about someone AFTER you have laid eyes on them in person.

  2. Rana says:

    This is so direct and yet lovingly put together. I have attracted Cheaters for as long as I can remember (from around the age 16, and I am now 27). I am infact putting every fiber of my soul in trying to release a toxic relationship of 4 years where Ive been cheated on 5 times (that I know of). As I read this #2 really hit me hard. Ive seeked approval from almost everyone for as long as I can remember. I constantly used to even say to people, mostly the opposite sex in a playful way that ‘I love a challenge’. I suppose with therapy perhaps I can get to what subconsciously makes me want this approval seeking so that I can alter my pattern once and for all. I am so tired of the pain.

    • jessmccann says:

      Thank you for your comment. My book, “The Curse: why you can’t find or keep the love you want” will be out soon to help you. You can also sign up for personal coaching with me through my website if you want more help. Don’t lose heart, you can change these patterns and find real love.

  3. Erin Carlson says:

    Great article, thank you for sharing.

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