Jess, I have been seeing a guy for a few months now. We have been on and off since high school and just recently started dating more seriously. (Meaning we’re both putting in an equal amount of effort) my worry is that I feel like I am making myself too available. We have not slept together yet, and the one time we got close to he stopped it at the last minute. I feel like he has me in the palm of his hand! How do I pull away and make him chase me without making him think I’m no longer interested?
I have a feeling that you two have been playing the upperhand game for a while now… maybe that is why you have been on and off for so long. At some point, you have to stop making a guy chase you so the real relationship can begin. That means that there has to be equal effort and reciprocation on your part – so no one should have the upperhand anymore. It might be that your relationship has never blossomed into what it could be because just as it begins to, someone freaks out, pulls away or ends it in an effort to keep the pursuit alive. Instead of being afraid of the post-infatuation stage, where no one is chasing anyone anymore, embrace it! If this is the right guy (and a good guy) letting your guard down and really loving him is going to be well received. When you give to your partner and put him first, he will do the same for you. On the other hand, if he’s a bit of jerk, and you believe he is playing with your heart in attempt to boost his own ego, don’t ignore that instinct. There certainly are men that enjoy playing hook, line, and sinker with a girl, and only respond emotionally when she makes herself scarce. Only you know what kind of guy you are dealing with, but if you’ve been dating since high school, why not finally give this the real shot it deserves?
Hope this helps,