So there is this guy who I’ve known since high school. We got reconnected after we graduated college and he asked me on several dates and we had a great time. We’ve hung out frequently for several weeks. I made one big mistake and want your advice on damage control if possible. I really do like him and would hate for it to have to end. So one night I decided to have a party at my place; something I haven’t done in a while and invited lots of friends over including the guy I like. He was out with his friends and said he was going to try and come. A few hours into the party, I got very drunk and overloaded his phone with calls and texts asking when he was coming. I haven’t heard from him since. I haven’t tried reaching out to him for fear of it being too soon and making it worse but also I don’t even know what to say. Please help I really wanna try and get him to see it was a genuine drunken mistake and to try and look past it.
What do I do
Have you ever heard the saying, In Vino Veritas? It means, in wine there is truth. So even though you see this as just a drunken mistake, it’s likely that this guy sees this as a character revealing incident. Meaning, he now thinks that being with you, in a relationship, will mean lots of nagging texts and questions about his whereabouts, and possibly nagging about other things like his clothes, choice of friends, career path, etc, etc,. This is much more than just an “oops” on your part, and getting back in his good graces might be very tough now. The best thing you can do is call him and tell him that you are extremely embarrassed at the way you’ve behaved and that you normally don’t drink that much (and then NEVER drink that much again!) Ask if you can take him to lunch for being so obnoxious. Hopefully he will say yes, and you can begin to rebuild what you had. But beware, it’s really hard to undo this type of damage because the number one thing that a man doesn’t want in a relationship is a naggy, needy girlfriend. You’ve basically showed him that you have that side so he’s likely scared to get any further involved with you. Drinking and texting is extremely dangerous so next time, leave your phone out of reach. And if you ever feel the urge again to blow up a guy’s phone, make sure you call one of your girlfriends instead. Think of her like your AA sponsor!
My parting advice: don’t let your “wants” rule you. If he doesn’t do what you want him to do, accept it. Don’t push and try to get your way because you want him to be your boyfriend. That’s what got you where you are now. If you can learn to be accepting of the men and situations in your life, you’ll notice that things get a bit easier and you suffer less heartbreak.