Why hasn’t he called? The age old question is answered!

armstextingIt’s baffled women across the globe.  We have racked our brains, asked our friends, and even consulted a professional.  But no matter what we do, it seems we will never truly know why that cute single guy we met last week, who asked for our number, and seemed so interested, never called.

Until now.

Yes, I have the answer.  I’m not kidding.  I actually feel a little silly that it took this long to figure it out.  Especially being that the it’s something that I’ve always known but never made the connection.  So without further adieu, here it is.  The reason behind the “Can I get your number and never call you.”

To understand this phenomenon, I want you to imagine you are Christmas shopping for a nice little gift for yourself.  Yes, you have been good this year and you are allowing yourself one present.  So you go to Nordstrom and you see these cute shoes that will go perfectly with your New Years Eve dress.  You try them on and they look even better on your feet!  You walk around testing them out.  You love them. You are happy you have finally found your Christmas present.  You look over at the line and see that it is out of control.  Ugh.  The holiday season.  You ask the saleswoman to hold on to the shoes so you can shop around a bit more and wait for the line to die down.

You leave the store and head straight to Starbucks to grab a drink.  You head into a few other stores.  Nothing too exciting.  You keep going.  Finally an hour passes and you find yourself at the opposite end of the mall.  Your feet hurt from all the walking. Your caffeine has worn off and you sit down on one of the couches outside Urban Outfitters.  The mall is going to close in thirty minutes. Should you walk all the way back to Nordstrom to get your shoes?  It seems miles away now.  Your car is right outside the door.  You don’t want to walk all the way back to Nordstorm and then all the back to your car here.  You could drive back to Nordstorm, but then you’d have to find parking all over again and it was such a pain in the ass this afternoon.  Suddenly your phone rings and it’s your BFF.  You tell her your shoe dilemma.  She says, “Why don’t you just borrow my Manolo’s for New Years?” You think about it.  Not a bad idea.  You’d save money, not have to walk or drive back to Nordstrom, and you’d be wearing shoes that are new to you.  “Okay,” you tell her.  And with that, you’ve abandoned the shoes you promised to buy.

Just as you talked yourself out of buying those shoes, time and time again, men talk themselves out of calling women.  They have the same dialogue going on in their heads — I could call her, but it is so much easier not to.  If I call her, what would I say? What if she doesn’t call me back?  Was she really that interested anyway?  Plus my ex girlfriend called me last night and I could just call her instead.  That would be easier.  What seems like such a good idea at the time, often becomes less of a good idea the more you think about it.

You cannot and should not take it personally when a guy you just met doesn’t call or text you.  Who knows what the reason is, but if you just recently met him, there is no possible way the reason is you.  He doesn’t know you so how can he reject you? What tends to happen is just what I stated above.  When a man is in the moment, and you are right in front of him, he is on a high.   Adrenaline is pulsing through his veins and emotion is overriding all other factors.  However, once the high dies down and he is away from the situation, logic sets in. He may start to second guess himself.  He may start to talk himself out of things.  He can get distracted with other priorities, and then what he had planned and promised to do gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

So don’t despair that the guy you met last night didn’t follow up on that phone call he promised.  It has nothing to do with you this time around. Go buy yourself some shoes and you will soon feel better ;-)



Continue to my Advice Blogs here, or choose from some popular posts:

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To learn the techniques to find a guy, get him interested, and keep him that way, check out this book. You will learn the techniques Jess used to find and keep her husband, as well as what she teaches her clients! For more info on Jess and her coaching, check out www.jessmccann.com and follow her on Twitter @iamjessmccann to ask a question about your relationship!



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Posted in dating and hooking up, Dating and Relationship Book, Dating Coach, Dating Tips, Dating Website, does my boyfriend still love me, Texting and dating, Why is he mad? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

5 Responses to Why hasn’t he called? The age old question is answered!

  1. Anonymous says:

    Sounds so great when you say it but so hard to actually do! Wish I had a Jess on my shoulder telling me how to answer these things and not let emotions get in the way!

  2. Deirdre says:

    Hi jess, i went on a date on monday night with a really cute guy, i thought it went well,we kissed goodnight and when i got home he text me to say he hoped i enjoyed myself and to make sure i got home safe. I replied saying i had a good time and hoped he got home ok. Today is friday and i havent heard from him since…im not sure if he is expecting me to text as he had text me after our date or whether he just isnt interested…

  3. AD says:

    Hi Jess

    Best explanation ever!
    Though the guy who hasn’t messaged me does have a legit reason (he messaged a week ago saying someone close to him has passed away, so I will definitely understand if he doesn’t ever message me again).

    At least now though if I DON’T receive a reason I won’t feel so bad about myself.

    Thanks for the article :)

  4. Daniel says:

    “there is no possible way the reason is you”

    oh, yes there is: or example if you gave me that number without any enthusiasm, or with struggling body language I would throw your number in the next garbage bin

    as simple as that

    • jessmccann says:

      Ah, good point, Daniel! I just told someone today, “To get attention from guys, you must give attention to guys.” And the same goes for interest! You must show interest to receive it.

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