From Hello to Hitched : The advice that led me to love.

cutecandiderik_jessOMG.  I’m engaged.  I know people get engaged everyday but for me this is truly extraordinary.  I know I probably shouldn’t sound so shocked, in fact, some of you may even wonder how I can so confidently advise other women on how to find and keep a man if I didn’t think I was going to do it myself – but let me explain.  I was never that girl growing up that dreamed about her wedding day.  I never draped a pillow case over the back of my head and paraded around the living room pretending to be a bride.  My approach to love has always been more… realistic.  Which in some ways is good.  It led me to the discovery that sales techniques could be applied to dating, which both empowered me and allowed me to have healthy, positive relationships.  It led to writing my book, “You Lost Him at Hello” and that, of course, led to a satisfying career as a dating coach.  Those are the positives.  The negatives would be that I realized that I was a stubborn, critical, and abnormally picky person.  I realized that relationships, no matter how symbiotic, are going to always include compromise.  Most importantly, I realized “’til death do us part” is a long, long commitment to make.  The truth is, I was very comfortable telling everyone else how to get married, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it myself…

Until now.

I remember every moment about the night I first met Erik.  I remember talking to him for all of thirty seconds when this light bulb went off in my head.  There is something about this guy, I thought.  After knowing him only a week, I texted my best friend in San Diego and told her, “I think I just found my future husband.”

You know how most women say, ‘My husband is nothing like who I thought I would marry.’  Well, it’s completely eerie to say this, but Erik is exactly who I had been looking for my whole life.  It’s as though I concocted him in my head and God said, “Here you go!”  I told myself many years ago that I would roll solo through life rather than settle, and quite frankly when I hit thirty, I thought that would be my path.  But in January of 2008 I took some advice that changed that plan.

How I found the love of my life

I was driving with my mother on that day, talking about the new year, and what we had to look forward to.  We drove through a nice neighborhood and stopped at a corner to let a woman cross the street.  I looked to my left and saw these kids playing outside with their dog.  I saw their mom and dad standing in the front door with their arms around each other watching them play. I turned to my mother at that moment and said, “I want that.” For the first time in my life I realized how much I wanted to find that one person to share my life and raise a family with.  I also realized that what I was doing wasn’t getting me any closer to having it.  Up until that point, I had been so focused on my career and other people’s relationships, that I wasn’t really putting enough effort into my own.  So at that exact moment I decided to take some of my own advice.  I decided to follow all the rules and principles outlined in my book.  If I was telling other women how to find and keep the man of their dreams, why couldn’t I do it myself?  On that day I made a promise.  I promised to follow my own advice to the tee and pray that what I told others to do, would also work for picky, critical, commitment-phobic me.

Nine months after making that promise, I met my future husband.  Fifteen months later, we are engaged.  I wake up every morning and think I’m truly the luckiest girl in the world.  Actually, I take that back.  Although I feel lucky to have found my One, I know that it wasn’t just luck.  Had I not taken action and followed my book, the life I have now would absolutely not exist. I have to say it’s only because I made this promise to myself that this happened.  Had I just continued to do what I had always done before, I wouldn’t be getting married right now.  But I followed every method, rule, and axiom with precision.  I went prospecting, even when I wanted to stay home on my couch.  I practiced my SEE factor, even when I didn’t particularly think it was working, and I used my icebreakers which is what ultimately allowed me to meet Erik in the first place (yes, I talked to him first.)  I also ended my dates with Erik at the Height of Impulse, even when I wanted to spend all my time with him.

I appreciate everyone’s well wishes for Erik and me. I hope those ladies out there that are single and looking for love find a renewed hope that this could be your year too!  Take matters into your own hands.  Doing the exact same thing you did last year will only get you where you are right now.  It’s time to change the game plan and do the necessary things to make it happen for yourself.  If I can do it, you can too.  I may sound like I am totally plugging my own book here, but it’s only because I know with 100% certainty that it works.  You don’t have to buy it, you can borrow your friends copy or get it from the library.  Just make sure you read it so that you can find your special someone and make your dream a reality too.
(this post was originally posted December 2009.)

Make 2010 the year you find love! If you are tired of being single, try personal date consulting with Jess today. Together you can find the one for you too! Visit her website at New! As of September 27, 2011 – You can follow me on Twitter @iamjessmccann

Be the first to order Jess’ new book, Was it Something I Said? The answer to all your dating dilemma’s by pre-ordering it through Amazon!

To read our engagement story, check out the Washington Times article.

Posted in Dating Coach, Dating Tips, Dating Website | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

4 Responses to From Hello to Hitched : The advice that led me to love.

  1. Ethan Bishop says:

    This is a fantastic blog post and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it from start to finish. I hope one day I’ll be able to look back at my life and realize the moment that I decided to “settle” down and take my own advice that I so easily dole out to others. I feel there is still so much I need to learn and explore before I truly feel that I am capable of being the partner that I want to be. Wishing you much success and happiness! Three cheers for Jess!

  2. Nicole says:

    Jess, CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so happy for you. May God Bless You and Erik and give you years of happiness. Good for you!

  3. Isobel says:

    Congratulations on finding the man of your dreams – you both look very happy and I wish you well. I enjoyed your blog post, as it has given me the inspiration to get out there and form a ‘Man Plan’ of my own! I got your book out from the library and it is the best dating book I have read. I’ve just ordered a copy online from the Book Depository. I think it offers good, solid, practical advice to meeting men and dating in general. Even though I live in New Zealand, I find your book is still very relevant to meeting men in many parts of the World. I will certainly follow the advice in your book and get out on Saturday nights, rather than watching TV reruns!

    I was like you in that I have never really dreamed of the traditional white wedding etc, but now I’ve reached 28 years old I know what I want – to meet the man of my dreams and have a family (not that I’ll be telling any guys that secret right away!). While it is important to have goals in life such as a successful career, when you are elderly I think you truly appreciate the happiness of having a family around you. Thank you for being honest, in both your book and blog.

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