Should I text him back: How to stay strong when he finally calls

Should I text him, when to text back, How long to wait to textHe pissed you off. He let you down. Not just once, but a few times. Now it’s a week later, your phone is vibrating and it’s him.  What do you do?

How many of you have ever been in the situation where you know you shouldn’t call or text a guy back, but for some irrational and illogical reason, you go against your own sound judgment and do it anyway?  Maybe he said he would call one night, but didn’t.  Or maybe he’s disappeared on you for a few days and he’s suddenly come back. Whatever the reason is that he is contacting you now, you know that dating etiquette would tell you to either send him to voicemail, or let him hang in textual limbo. Maybe you leave him there for good, or maybe just for a night. Whatever the specifics of your situation are, you know that the right move is to not call or text him back right away.

But somehow the right move just doesn’t feel right.  It doesn’t sit well.  It’s like day old pizza in your stomach. You can tolerate it for a little while but sooner or later you have to do something about it. Every book out there will tell you it’s perfectly okay not to return his call. In fact, many will say that it will only help you gain the upper hand. So why can’t we follow this one little-bitty, time tested, widely known piece of advice?

Not Calling is Tougher than Calling

While you are waiting for his call, a tremendous amount of angst builds up inside of you. You are stressed, nervous, sad, and angry all at the same time. It’s emotional overload. You walk around with a cloud over your head, and no matter what else you do to keep yourself occupied, it’s still there.

Until that phone rings. Then suddenly all that emotional build up is wiped away. Thank God! He’s called (or in many cases, texted.) You are satisfied for the moment. That will teach him to make you wait.  But then, not ten minutes later all the angst is back.  Now the ball is in your court. It’s up to you to make the right decision.  You have all the power. What if by not calling back he thinks you are a total bitch? Or what if you wait too long to call him back and he calls someone else? Someone cuter and less neurotic? What if he thinks you are mad, or worse, what if he thinks you are playing a game? Is it possible you could push him even further away at this point? Now the emotional stress is even more unbearable because it’s contingent on you.  Before you only had to sit there and do nothing. That was easy. Now you have to make the right play or you could ruin everything!

What to do when you know you should not call.

For whatever reason, earlier you decided that this guy did not deserve a call back, either right away or maybe at all.  While you were waiting you gathered all the evidence you needed to support your decision. You were just waiting for him to call so you could immediately start not calling him back.  But once your cell lit up with his number, emotion took over, and rather than stick to your original plan, you became consumed with one thing: making yourself feeling better.  The problem here is that holding out on calling him, means holding on to the stress. You’d rather call him back and be done with that, than prolong this agony. You’d rather call and lose a bit of your pride than not call and worry about it for the next three weeks. We’ve all been there, and there is no shame in that place.

The problem is that if you call or text him back, you will just be starting this vicious cycle all over again. You were finally going to stand your ground and do something different. Something he wouldn’t expect.  And while you planned this all out in your head, you felt good about it.  You felt powerful.  And that is where you need to be. So how do you fight this urge to immediately respond? How can you win this internal battle with yourself and come out victorious?

The Solution

Just when you are about to pick up that phone and make that fatal mistake, I want you to think of one thing. I want you to imagine going to your “Favorites”, pressing his name, and hearing the phone ring. I want you to imagine it ringing and ringing.  And ringing some more.  And then I want you to imagine the worse thing possible happening.  His voicemail picks up.

Can you even fathom having to leave a message? You could hang up of course, but if he doesn’t call you back after that, then what?  Then you will be in an even worse position than you are now. So you would have to leave some sort of message and then you would have to hang up and wait for him to call you back…again.

Same goes for texting. What if you text him back, and then as some guys are known to do, he doesn’t respond. The text-then-no-text is the absolute worst!

Just thinking of him not replying to you yet again should be enough of a deterrent for you. The best way to ensure that he will pick up his phone or reply to your text is to wait a long enough amount of time so that when he sees your number finally pop up he thinks, “wow, I wasn’t sure if she was going to call me! I better answer because she took a long time to respond.” At that point, he won’t want to miss his chance to talk.

So next time you are struggling with the no call back, just envision this scenario. That should keep you nice and strong for at least a few hours. Because nothing is more frustrating than waiting a week to hear from a guy, only to have him ignore your call back to him.

Check out my two books for advice on finding and keeping the guy you want.

Was It Something I Said - Should I text him back, best book on dating, best dating book  Continue to my Advice Blogs here, or choose from some popular posts:

Why Hasn’t He Called?

When You Should NOT Respond.

How to Tell If He Likes You or Just Wants to Hook Up.

 Why He Chose Her Over You?

   How to Get to Girlfriend Status!

    Are You Misinterpreting His Feelings?

               What Every Woman Should Know About Hooking Up…

                                                   Is He Losing Interest?

Books on dating, books on how to find a boyfriend, dating books, relationships books, best book on dating, best dating book,

Do you have a burning question about hooking up, texting, or getting to commitment? Post a comment below or follow Jess on Twitter to get your answer!

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3 Responses to Should I text him back: How to stay strong when he finally calls

  1. Kelly says:

    Jess, I have been terrible about knowing what to do in this situation for as long as I can remember! The dreaded “call back” used to keep me up at night, so I just wanted to let you know how much this has helped me with my relationships. Thanks :) and please keep ‘em coming!

  2. Jadii says:

    When my significant other and I have a fight, it takes him a week to call me back, and/or text. I think this is so immature and ridiculous. Why let things build up. Now that is he is getting in contact with me, I am bruised and don’t want to talk! I am trying to drop my pride, but I am sort of turned off by his lack of dealing with the problem rather than ignoring it. Especially when he knows it is hurting me! Badly! I like to move past things, life is too short! I have text him and said that I will call him back, but I really wish i didn’t. He knows I will forgive him. Too easily! He can’t keep doing this to me! This happens a lot! I am not perfect and put him on ‘no talk’ as well, but if he is asking for me to forgive him, I certainly do!

  3. Tanya says:

    Thank you. That advice was super helpful.

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