It’s baffled women across the globe. We have racked our brains, asked our friends, and even consulted a professional. But no matter what we do, it seems we will never truly know why that cute single guy we met last week, who asked for our number, and seemed so interested, never called.
Yes, I have the answer. I’m not kidding. I actually feel a little silly that it took this long to figure it out. Especially being that the it’s something that I’ve always known but never made the connection. So without further adieu, here it is. The reason behind the “Can I get your number and never call you.”
To understand this phenomenon, I want you to imagine you are Christmas shopping for a nice little gift for yourself. Yes, you have been good this year and you are allowing yourself one present. So you go to Nordstrom and you see these cute shoes that will go perfectly with your New Years Eve dress. You try them on and they look even better on your feet! You walk around testing them out. You love them. You are happy you have finally found your Christmas present. You look over at the line and see that it is out of control. Ugh. The holiday season. You ask the saleswoman to hold on to the shoes so you can shop around a bit more and wait for the line to die down.
You leave the store and head straight to Starbucks to grab a drink. You head into a few other stores. Nothing too exciting. You keep going. Finally an hour passes and you find yourself at the opposite end of the mall. Your feet hurt from all the walking. Your caffeine has worn off and you sit down on one of the couches outside Urban Outfitters. The mall is going to close in thirty minutes. Should you walk all the way back to Nordstrom to get your shoes? It seems miles away now. Your car is right outside the door. You don’t want to walk all the way back to Nordstorm and then all the back to your car here. You could drive back to Nordstorm, but then you’d have to find parking all over again and it was such a pain in the ass this afternoon. Suddenly your phone rings and it’s your BFF. You tell her your shoe dilemma. She says, “Why don’t you just borrow my Manolo’s for New Years?” You think about it. Not a bad idea. You’d save money, not have to walk or drive back to Nordstrom, and you’d be wearing shoes that are new to you. “Okay,” you tell her. And with that, you’ve abandoned the shoes you promised to buy.
Just as you talked yourself out of buying those shoes, time and time again, men talk themselves out of calling women. They have the same dialogue going on in their heads — I could call her, but it is so much easier not to. If I call her, what would I say? What if she doesn’t call me back? Was she really that interested anyway? Plus my ex girlfriend called me last night and I could just call her instead. That would be easier. What seems like such a good idea at the time, often becomes less of a good idea the more you think about it.
You cannot and should not take it personally when a guy you just met doesn’t call or text you. Who knows what the reason is, but if you just recently met him, there is no possible way the reason is you. He doesn’t know you so how can he reject you? What tends to happen is just what I stated above. When a man is in the moment, and you are right in front of him, he is on a high. Adrenaline is pulsing through his veins and emotion is overriding all other factors. However, once the high dies down and he is away from the situation, logic sets in. He may start to second guess himself. He may start to talk himself out of things. He can get distracted with other priorities, and then what he had planned and promised to do gets pushed to the bottom of the list.
So don’t despair that the guy you met last night didn’t follow up on that phone call he promised. It has nothing to do with you this time around. Go buy yourself some shoes and you will soon feel better
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To learn the techniques to find a guy, get him interested, and keep him that way, check out this book. You will learn the techniques Jess used to find and keep her husband, as well as what she teaches her clients! For more info on Jess and her coaching, check out www.jessmccann.com and follow her on Twitter @iamjessmccann to ask a question about your relationship!
If you have a dating dilemma that you don’t know how to handle, this is the book for you. How do you turn a friend into something more? What do you do when you run into your ex? Can you get him to stop texting and ask you out on a date? All these questions and more are answered in this Q&A dating scenario book! Continue reading
Janna, a thirty-eight year old magazine editor, hadn’t had a real boyfriend in years. She had a ton of men in her life though. Three former boyfriends, two friends with benefits, and one love of her life that was married to someone else. She spent time with all of them because, as she put it, she got a something out of each relationship. It’s just that none of them gave her everything.
Janna subscribed to the belief that until Mr. right guy came along, she could occupy herself with Mr. Great Sex and Mr. I Love You but I’m Married. The truth was, however, that the reason she couldn’t find that one great guy was because she was distracted with all the wrong ones.
Distractions cause problems
We all know that distracted driving causes accidents. It’s reported that 80% of all car crashes are due to some form of distracted driving. Maybe you have been one of the lucky ones that has avoided re-ending someone because you just had to send that very important text, but how many times have you missed your exit because you were yapping or tapping on your phone? Much in the same way you missed that turn off, you can also miss your chance at a real relationship by engaging in what I call, “Distracted Dating.”
We’ve all done it at some point -spent a little too much of our time with the wrong person. It can be fun and briefly fill a void within you, but continually hanging out with men who clearly can’t give you what you need long term is like investing in stock that you know will eventually plummet. It’s not worth it because you won’t yield a return, and it can prevent you from being emotionally and physically available to someone else…someone better.
Janna was frustrated because she never got approached by guys. She wasn’t a homebody, in fact she encountered men on a daily basis, but for whatever reason, no one asked her out. She was convinced that something about her appearance was turning men off, even though she was tall, thin and by industry standards, attractive. When I met her I explained the problem wasn’t with her appearance, it was with her persona. She had the right clothes, the right hair, and the right make-up. What she didn’t have was the right presence. She was so distracted in her head, thinking about all the “good-for-now guys”, that she missed opportunities to meet men that were right front of her. Because she looked distracted and unavailable, men that would see her and want to approach her, hesitated to do so. On days she should have gone out to prospect, she did what was easier and called one of her exes to keep her company. Janna needed to get rid of her funnel dwellers – the guys that lingered in her funnel, not doing anything but wasting time. Once she cleared out her funnel, and her mind, she was able to focus on the road ahead of her.
For more tips on landing a guy, read “You Lost Him at Hello”.
You’ve been out with him several times. Seven dates to be exact. He texts a lot, but hardly calls. You see him on weekends but not both nights. He’s good about being consistent, but there have been a few times when he’s dropped off the earth. You like him, he seems to like you, but the relationship just doesn’t seem to want to take off. You feel like you are in a constant state of limbo. Your friends have their theories. He’s taking things slow. He’s just shy. You are expecting too much! But none of those hypotheses really resonate with you. How long can you really keep going this way? It’s starting to drive you mad. Should you get ready to hunker down for a nice long relationship, or renew your Match.com subscription? What’s it going to be!!
Ever felt this way? Most women do. It’s frustrating when you don’t know where you stand. Some guys are just tough to read. Their intentions aren’t clear, or you like them so much that you just can’t be objective. Or maybe he’s saying all the right things, but his action prove the contrary. In cases like this there is only one solution. I know I’ve said it before and I will say it again. The best indicator of the future is in the past. If you want to know where this is going, you need to find out where he’s been.
My friend Petra had been dating a guy for two months. She felt like she was on the cusp of getting a serious commitment. She was seeing the guy twice a week and felt like it was about time to bump it up to three times. Then another month passed without any change in frequency. She was stumped. Why didn’t he want to see her more? Why was he keeping her at bay? So she decided to dig into his past a bit for answers.
One night, while out at dinner, she inquired about his past relationships. In a very casual way she asked, “How many serious relationships have you been in?” To her shock, her date who was thirty-three years old said, “Only one.” Petra sat there stunned and then asked, “Well, how long did that last?” She thought, maybe he was with the same girl for ten years and in that case, I know he can commit. But she didn’t get that answer. The answer she got stunned her further. “About six months.” He said. Petra was more than confused. Nothing made sense. He was thirty-three years old and only had one relationship lasting six months? Needless to say, it was a bit abnormal. Knowing this about him was disheartening on one hand, but comforting on the other. Well, it’s not me, she thought. Obviously her guy had problems settling down which was his problem, not hers.
Of course her date made his argument. He’s just never met anyone that made him want to commit. But when she really dug into his past she realized quickly that time and time again he always put his career aspirations and hunger for power and money before anything else… including his own family.
“His mother died while he was on a ski trip with business associates. Instead of leaving immediately for the funeral, he stayed through the week as planned and just sent flowers. I thought that was super cold.”
If that doesn’t tell you what kind of man he is, I don’t know what will.
Sometimes we hear things that are fishy, like not attending the funeral of your own mother, and even though it strikes us as odd, we ignore it. We think to ourselves, well that doesn’t have anything to do with my relationship with this man. That is where most women go wrong. It has everything to do with your relationship. It tells you what kind of person he is. It tells you about his character. It tells you what you have to look forward to.
I remember dating a guy many years ago that I thought had some potential. He was cute, nice and pretty smart. Then one day I asked him about his past relationships and he told me that his ex girlfriend cheated on him over and over again throughout the two years they were dating. When I asked him why he didn’t end it he said he believed she would change. That raised a big red flag in my mind. This guy didn’t have the confidence to stand up to his cheating girlfriend? Was he that much of a doormat? Did he not respect himself enough to find someone that treated him with respect? After that night I began to see him in a different light. Today, I’m married to someone else! Someone who would never tolerate cheating – from others or from himself.
If you are dating someone, make sure you probe into their past. It will tell you a great deal about their future. Sure, some people grow up and reform themselves, but you have to ask the right questions to find out if that is the case. Don’t shrug off stories that make you question him. Don’t ignore the red flags. Don’t try to validate why he did something you would normally find unacceptable. This is the best way to find out who someone truly is. Instead of listening to your heart, listen to him. Continue reading
I want to share a story with you all. One that may strike close to home. It’s about a girl named, Claire, who was pretty, smart, wildly successful, but could not seem to find a boyfriend. Her friends and family couldn’t understand it. They would say to her, “Claire, you are the total package. Why can’t you find a boyfriend?” Claire didn’t get it herself. She would go out with her friends, looking for guys, but for some reason, they never approached her. Finally after years prospecting and having no luck, she turned to the internet. She joined a dating … Continue reading
The reports are fuzzy, but they are there. Jon Mayer and Jennifer Aniston may not be fully back together, but something is definitely brewing between them. For me, that is all I need to hear to say what I am going to say. Is Jennifer Aniston perhaps the dumbest woman alive? Wow. Please for the love of God, someone give her my phone number. I’ve been a big fan of Jen’s for years and yes, I even had the Rachel haircut back in the day, so I’m pulling for her, but cheese and crackers she is making it tough these days.
If she does give Mayer a chance, this will be three times and it won’t be a charm. Hello, Jen, ever hear of the definition of insanity? It’s doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. That is what you are doing. Dating the same ego-centric bad boy musician and expecting him to suddenly turn into loving, selfless, committed boyfriend. Ain’t going to happen.
While I’m at it, Kate Hudson, you may as well get in on this too.
I had a woman email me a few months ago asking for some advice. She has been having an on-and-off relationship with a guy much like Aniston. They would fight and break up but ultimately get back together again. Every time, he swears he’s going to be better, but so far it hasn’t been the case. So how do you know when it’s a good idea to take back your ex? How do you know if it will really work this time?
There are a few good ways to tell if taking back your ex will yield the result you want. Here is what you must do: Continue reading
Last year, I met a great guy. We dated for two months and it was bliss. He was funny and sweet, and he complimented me regularly. I completely fell in love with him. By the third month, something changed. He started to occasionally become moody and irritated with me. At one point he told me that I acted stuck-up unless I was drinking and that I needed to work out more and eat less. I didn’t know how to react. Half the time he’s a wonderful, amazing person. The other half, he’s mean and I feel like I have to walk on eggs shells. How do I get him back to being wonderful 100% of the time? Danielle.
How do you get him to wonderful 100% of the time? You don’t. No one can be wonderful 100% of the time. So on those off moments, when a man is not at his best, you are seeing him for who he really is. Just as a team is defined by it’s weakest link, a person is defined at his or her worst. Most people’s “worst” is not bad at all. Maybe a they are a bit grouchy in the morning before they have coffee, but that is not the same as moody and mean. You fell in love after two months of dating, and it seems you didn’t really know the guy yet. You fell in love with who you thought he was, and who he wanted you to see. Unfortunately, he can’t hide it any longer. Take him for who he is: mean, moody and downright degrading, or leave him. It’s really that simple.
If you are tired of having the same bad luck when it comes to relationships, DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE IT! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and get a one-on-one personal consulting session. Together we will figure out what you could be doing wrong, or what you can be doing better so you get the relationship you deserve.
Also check out my book, You Lost Him at Hello and learn the tricks of the trade — Filling your Funnel, Height of Impulse, Mirror Theory — so you can close the deal with any guy you want. Give yourself or a friend the best gift – good advice. New! As of September 27, 2011 – You can follow me on Twitter@iamJessMcCann and check out my new book, Was it Something I Said, hitting stores January 2013. Continue reading
You’ve probably heard by now about Heidi Montag’s ten hour body and facial renovation. If you haven’t, you can read about it in just about any tabloid mag. In November she underwent major plastic surgery. Ten hours under the knife to correct her chin, ears, eyebrows, already augmented breasts, and a variety of other alleged imperfections . All together she spent an estimated 30,000 dollars and to be honest, she looks the same to me.
Since this story broke it really made me think about women these days and how obsessed we can be when it comes to our appearance. In general, we pour a lot of money, time, and energy into our physique. When was the last time you’ve spent less than 3-4 hours and $200 at a hair salon? And you have to go every six to eight weeks or your hair starts to look unwashed. But that’s just the standard. What about those of us that spend thousands of dollars each year on designer clothes, shoes, and handbags? Or religiously schedule routine botox and collagen injections? In general the female population in America is really, really focused on looking good. I’m not judging or saying it’s a bad thing, I freak out myself if I have a bad hair day, but here is one thing I want all women to think about: while we are spending so much time and energy on the outside, what is happening to the inside? When do we put time and money into making the inside of us as beautiful and interesting? In the long run, your personality, sense of humor and intelligence is what makes or breaks you as a person. It is what will stay with you throughout the years. While your skin will sag, hair will thin, and metabolism will slow, the inside of you can be as attractive at 70 as it was at 30… if you let it.
Pretty faces are a dime a dozen in most towns. But what is rare is a woman with a wicked sense of humor. A girl that can beat you at pool. A lady that is as smart as she is sexy. I remember being in college and going to a party where someone had broken out a guitar. A few guys toyed around with it and tried playing a few songs when two girls walked by. One of them insisted the guys give her friend the guitar, saying she knew how to play. The friend shook her head and refused at first, but after some coaxing she sat down and began to play. To say she blew everyone away was an understatement. This girl could really play. The guys were awestruck. Suddenly this chick was the hottest girl in the room. She only played for five minutes but she was the belle of the ball for the next five hours.
If you are single and ready to settle down, the best piece of advice I can give you is to spend less time trying to compete physically with all the other women in the world, and focus on what makes you different on the inside. Any man that marries you based on your looks will only trade you for a younger model down the road. What will keep your relationship strong and solid is mutual respect. And although most guys can appreciate a nice rack, it’s not enough to sustain the long haul.
Next time you are headed to the mall because you need a new outfit, check out the Barnes & Noble instead of Dolce & Gabbana. Instead of spending an hour at Nail Love, spend that hour practicing piano. What sets you apart and makes you different is what makes you the most attractive. So in between a wax and a tan, make sure you also log some time into making yourself better on the inside. I guarantee it will pay off a lot more in the long run.