Do You Need A Dating Coach? Why you shouldn’t handle your love life alone

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A few months ago, a new client asked me a very important question. “Why do some of your clients get married and others do not?” It got me thinking. What do my successful clients have in common, and what separates them from my clients that have not enjoyed the same kind of success?

I have thought about this before. Such a question, of course, always has many answers. People are different. They take advice differently. They listen and act differently. But what separates ultimate success from further frustration, failure and loneliness? Was it my clients’ willingness to self-improve that led them to love? Their perspective on relationships? Their resilience in time of disappointment? Actually, I have come to the conclusion that it isn’t any of those things. The answer, I think, is much simpler than that.

You see, the people who reach out to me have many problems in common. They have had difficulty finding love, and they usually see a negative pattern in all their relationships. They don’t know why the pattern keeps happening, which means they also do not know how to fix it. Most of the time I am able discern a lot of what is causing so much distress in just a few phone calls. But, just figuring the “why” behind their problem or pattern isn’t enough. As I am sure you all are aware, there are many, many pitfalls on the road to love, any one of which can end a relationship in a heartbeat. So, the real work comes after my diagnosis. Some people try to correct past mistakes and travel the road alone, only seeking more coaching when they stray or a big problem arises. Others, however, keep in close contact with me and have me walk them through the entire process- from how to meet someone, date appropriately, secure a commitment, and finally, get married. I have concluded that, right there, is the answer to the question of who is successful and who is not.

Since I have come to this conclusion, I have decided to change my coaching structure so that I can better and more effectively serve my clients, and they in turn can get better, and faster results. I am not a miracle worker (although a lot of my clients have disagreed when I say that) but I’m very certain that a longer term coaching program will work much better for any client desiring a healthy, happy relationship. Much like a trainer helping someone get in shape, it takes a time commitment on both sides, meeting regularly in order to stay on the right track and see results. Therefore, as of January 2018, I will stop doing single or package calls and emails, and I will be changing my business model to a six month coaching program for clients who are ready to make big changes in their love life. I do hope you will be one of them.

Whether you are single, actively dating, in a relationship, or even engaged or married, allow me to help you get the relationship you’ve always hoped for but have not yet achieved.

Here are the details of the 2018 Coaching Program:

Each month includes:

Two 50 minute coaching sessions via phone, Facetime, or in-person
Up to 10 emails for questions, updates, and advice
Emergency texting for time-sensitive situations
A full online dating profile make-over
One initial photo shoot with professional grade camera for profile (and you keep all the photos!)*
Relationship or couples counseling, as one or both of your sessions, if you are in a relationship (or when you get into one.)

Cost: (Currently offered only through Paypal) Please email me at coach@jessmccann.com for the monthly subscription fee.

This new structure does mean that I can only take on a finite number of clients. Of course, I wish I could take on every woman (or man) in distress but being just one person, I have only so much time in a day. I will work on a first come, first served basis, and will go to a wait list for overflow. If you are interested and want to see if I have availability for you to join the program, please email me. And of course, if you have questions about the program, please do not hesitate to ask.

I hope you are as excited as I am with this new approach. I truly believe that it will be very beneficial for my clients, producing better and longer lasting results. I look forward to working with many of you and making 2018 the best year yet!

Jess

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Why Has He Changed? Will he ever be like he was before?

Dear Jess,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months, and it’s been really great. When we first started dating he was very effusive with his feelings. He always complimented me, and told me how he was crazy about me. Recently though, he hasn’t been saying those things as much. We still see each other a lot, and his actions haven’t changed but I’m scared that he’s losing interest based on the fact that he doesn’t tell me how he feels anymore. I’ve freaked out on him a couple times over this, hoping he’ll give me what I need but it hasn’t worked. Do you think I should be worried? How do I get him to be like how he was before?

Thank you!<= Feeling worried in Wisconsin

Dear FWIW,

I know you may be freaked out right now but what you are going through is actually very common. Men are hardly ever as verbose and effusive about their feelings as they are when you just start dating them. The reason is that the first stage of falling in love, otherwise know as infatuation, causes massive amounts of dopamine to be released. This creates a temporary high, so to speak. It’s why we can’t concentrate, why we daydream, and why we get excited at the mere mention of that very special someone. While in this state, men typically become extremely emotional beyond their normal state of being. They can’t stop their mouths from spilling about all the wonderful feelings you give them..but as you settle into the relationship, that overflow of emotion tapers a bit, and you may hate to hear this, but that is normal, and not something that really needs changing. You are just moving into another stage, one that is actually closer to real love. This stage doesn’t have your man chasing you down with flowers, candy, and “I love you’s” but it is bringing you to a place of mutual respect, deep appreciation, and true companionship. Accepting this next stage, and not fighting it may be hard for you, as it is for some women. Let me be honest and say though that the trouble may not be that your man isn’t verbal enough, rather that you need constant reassurance. But asking for a guy to reassure you everyday of his feelings will exhaust him. Eventually he will just move on to someone who is less high maintenance.

If your guy shows you affection, is trust worthy and committed, you really need to ask yourself why is it that you need daily affirmations to be happy and relaxed? The truth may be that your own insecurities are driving you while pushing your boyfriend to his brink. So what should you do from here? To maintain a happy and loving relationship you have to focus on giving your boyfriend what he needs from you, instead of dwelling on your self-rooted fears. Try leading by example, and tell your boyfriend how much you love him and care for him. Say it as much as you wish he would say it to you. Often if we be the change we want, we get the change we need.

For more advice from Jess McCann.com visit her older blogs here. Continue reading

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Why hasn’t he called? The age old question is answered!

armstextingIt’s baffled women across the globe. We have racked our brains, asked our friends, and even consulted a professional. But no matter what we do, it seems we will never truly know why that cute single guy we met last week, who asked for our number, and seemed so interested, never called.

Until now.

Yes, I have the answer. I’m not kidding. I actually feel a little silly that it took this long to figure it out. Especially being that the it’s something that I’ve always known but never made the connection. So without further adieu, here it is. The reason behind the “Can I get your number and never call you.”

To understand this phenomenon, I want you to imagine you are Christmas shopping for a nice little gift for yourself. Yes, you have been good this year and you are allowing yourself one present. So you go to Nordstrom and you see these cute shoes that will go perfectly with your New Years Eve dress. You try them on and they look even better on your feet! You walk around testing them out. You love them. You are happy you have finally found your Christmas present. You look over at the line and see that it is out of control. Ugh. The holiday season. You ask the saleswoman to hold on to the shoes so you can shop around a bit more and wait for the line to die down.

You leave the store and head straight to Starbucks to grab a drink. You head into a few other stores. Nothing too exciting. You keep going. Finally an hour passes and you find yourself at the opposite end of the mall. Your feet hurt from all the walking. Your caffeine has worn off and you sit down on one of the couches outside Urban Outfitters. The mall is going to close in thirty minutes. Should you walk all the way back to Nordstrom to get your shoes? It seems miles away now. Your car is right outside the door. You don’t want to walk all the way back to Nordstorm and then all the back to your car here. You could drive back to Nordstorm, but then you’d have to find parking all over again and it was such a pain in the ass this afternoon. Suddenly your phone rings and it’s your BFF. You tell her your shoe dilemma. She says, “Why don’t you just borrow my Manolo’s for New Years?” You think about it. Not a bad idea. You’d save money, not have to walk or drive back to Nordstrom, and you’d be wearing shoes that are new to you. “Okay,” you tell her. And with that, you’ve abandoned the shoes you promised to buy.

Just as you talked yourself out of buying those shoes, time and time again, men talk themselves out of calling women. They have the same dialogue going on in their heads — I could call her, but it is so much easier not to. If I call her, what would I say? What if she doesn’t call me back? Was she really that interested anyway? Plus my ex girlfriend called me last night and I could just call her instead. That would be easier. What seems like such a good idea at the time, often becomes less of a good idea the more you think about it.

You cannot and should not take it personally when a guy you just met doesn’t call or text you. Who knows what the reason is, but if you just recently met him, there is no possible way the reason is you. He doesn’t know you so how can he reject you? What tends to happen is just what I stated above. When a man is in the moment, and you are right in front of him, he is on a high. Adrenaline is pulsing through his veins and emotion is overriding all other factors. However, once the high dies down and he is away from the situation, logic sets in. He may start to second guess himself. He may start to talk himself out of things. He can get distracted with other priorities, and then what he had planned and promised to do gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

So don’t despair that the guy you met last night didn’t follow up on that phone call he promised. It has nothing to do with you this time around. Go buy yourself some shoes and you will soon feel better ;-)


 

 

Continue to my Advice Blogs here, or choose from some popular posts:

How Long To Wait Before Texting Him Back?

When You Should NOT Respond To A Text.

How to Tell If He Likes You or Just Wants to Hook Up.

Why He Chose Her Over You?

How to Get to Girlfriend Status!

Are You Misinterpreting His Feelings?

What Every Woman Should Know About Hooking Up…

Is He Losing Interest?

Books on dating, books on how to find a boyfriend, dating books, relationships books, best book on dating, best dating book, Also by Jess McCann

You Lost Him at Hello – From Dating to “I Do” – Secret Strategies from one of America’s Top Dating Coaches

To learn the techniques to find a guy, get him interested, and keep him that way, check out this book. You will learn the techniques Jess used to find and keep her husband, as well as what she teaches her clients! For more info on Jess and her coaching, check out www.jessmccann.com and follow her on Twitter @iamjessmccann to ask a question about your relationship!

 

 

Was It Something I Said - Should I text him back, best book on dating, best dating bookIf you have a dating dilemma that you don’t know how to handle, this is the book for you. How do you turn a friend into something more? What do you do when you run into your ex? Can you get him to stop texting and ask you out on a date? All these questions and more are answered in this Q&A dating scenario book! Continue reading

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You Lost Him at Hello: From Dating to “I Do” – Secret Strategies from One of America’s Top Dating Coaches

Books on dating, books on how to find a boyfriend, dating books, relationships books, best book on dating, best dating book,Are you destined to be single forever? Even if it feels that way now, the reality is simple. No!

But to meet the man of your dreams, the guy you’ve been waiting for your whole life, you need to think with more than just your heart. You need the secret strategies of a smart dating coach.

Out today on Amazon.com and in bookstores everywhere, You Lost Him at Hello: From Dating to “I Do”: Secret Strategies from one of America’s Top Dating Coaches, has been the book to help single woman across the globe find and meet the love of their lives. Now this popular and proven guide has been revised and expanded with success stories and new techniques to help you find the guy that’s right for you – but more importantly to help you keep him once you do.

It was only a few years ago that I was a desperately seeking single myself. I didn’t understand why men never approached me, or why a first date didn’t result in a second. In college I had a bevvy of bad relationships that all left me sad and confused, prompting the question that most women ask themselves at some point in their lives: What’s wrong with me?

Lucky for me, just when all hope seemed lost, a revelation occurred and everything changed. I discovered a formula for dating that showed me how to better handle the tricky get-to-know-you phase and guided me towards commitment. Dates turned into relationships, and boys turned into boyfriends. In the past I used to agonize over every move I made. What should I say? When should I call? How should I act? With my new found strategy, however, I gained the confidence to take control of my relationships, and trust that if I stayed the course, it would lead me to a happy ending…

And it did.

If you are ready for a change in your love life, I can help you. Over the last several years I have studied and perfected a strategy that has helped guide women through the dating process and deliver them safely on the other side. The strategy will not only help you date smarter and find love faster, it will also protect you from making common mistakes that could easily sabotage your chances for a solid relationship. In You Lost Him at Hello you will find techniques that will help you:

* Find men and have them approach you (yes, there is a way!)

* Learn to read his signs of interest so you know if and when you should make a move

* End your date at the “Height of Impulse” so he will want to see you again

* How to actually “be yourself” around him – even though you are nervous!

* The number one technique that most women don’t do that will lead you to love this year

Stop making the same mistakes over and over again and start getting results. You Lost Him at Hello is every single girls secret weapon.

Jess McCann is also the author of the books, Was it Something I Said?: The answer to all your dating dilemmas (Globe Pequot, January 2013). She is an international dating and relationship coach who works with men and women all over the world, teaching them how to rid themselves of long standing habits that prevent them from finding love, and shows them how to move forward. To learn more about the coaching process, visit her here.

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Are You Misinterpreting His Feelings? : The 3 things you should know about loving your guy

Dating tips, dating men, single womanI remember in high school the very distinct feeling that I would never understand men. The boys I had dated long-term in both high school and college sent me such conflicting messages that I truly believed men simply didn’t have emotions. Not like women did, anyway. After all, how can you tell someone you love them one day, and then blow them off to party with your friends the next? It seemed I was always waiting to hear how the guy felt, what he thought, and where he deemed our relationship was going. Everything was on the guys terms because I cared too much and wanted to work through anything, while they took their time mulling over the pros and cons of being with me. It was frustrating, demoralizing, and exhausting. I remember thinking, how in the world can I sustain a relationship with any man if they aren’t as emotionally invested as I am?!

Luckily, after I graduated college, I met and dated a boy that showed me that not all men are cut from the same cloth. He was sweet, fun, and the first real relationship I had ever had. And thanks to him, my previous philosophy on men being void of emotion completely changed. I realized there would be men in the world that would match my emotional investment, and I learned a few very key insights that helped me continue through the dating world, and end up happily married to my wonderful husband today. Had my mentality not changed on this, I might still be dating in circles right now.

Here is what I want to pass on to women who feel as I did back then.

1. Men need reassurance. I realize now, looking back, that I never really gave any love to my high school old boyfriend. I was brought up that men needed to treat me with respect. I was told they were lucky to be with me, and that I needed to keep them in pursuit. In essence, I just had to “be” in the relationship to make the guy happy and my job ended there. My poor BF brought me flowers, wrote me love notes, and met me after every class. What did I do for him? Complained if he had to stay late at practice, or decided to eat lunch with his friends one day out of the week. Sadly, it didn’t dawn on me until later in life that my job wasn’t to just receive love from a guy, it was to give love to him, too. And that included positive affirmations of my feelings – which I never gave anyone because it was drilled into my head that I was to keep them in hot pursuit at all times. But at some point, the chase has to end for the relationship to really begin.

2. Not all men are created equal. Yes, there are guys out there that are jerks, players, or narcissists, and they do not know how to be in a relationship with anyone. But there are also men that are kind, loving, supportive, yet still strong and masculine. I went into a lot of my younger relationships expecting to be let down and hurt because that is what the guy before and the guy before did. However, assuming this made me defensive and suspicious. In other words, a real joy to be around! I spent a lot of time overreacting to certain situations that warranted no reaction at all because I just assumed all men were the same. If one had wronged me in the past, it was only a matter of time that the current one would too. Letting go of Continue reading

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Interview with a dating coach: Jess McCann sits down with social media madam Pamela Sorensen

Dating Coach, Dating Tips, Jess McCann, Was it Something I Said? You Lost Him at HelloAsk any woman her opinion on the state of dating in this town and unless she’s a 22 year old, 5’11″, 110 lb runway model, she’ll most likely scowl, roll her eyes and give you an emphatic “It’s a cesspool” or “I just returned from freezing my eggs.” Frankly, for my friends in LA to Boston, and Chicago to San Francisco, dating … and I mean dating with the intent to find MR. / MISS RIGHT (not just right now), is about as easy as making apple pie. Following a recipe. In Japanese. If you are French. Why else is the woeful world of the journey to the center of romance a zillion dollar industry? Because it’s hard and WE. NEE.D HELP.

I admit when I was in my most recent serious relationship, I felt no favor toward those who were whirling dervishes in Singledom. Mainly because I’d spent over ten years there, and my friends (and even those whom I’d just met), only lamented on the sad state of men. I’d listen, and then turn to my then boyfriend and say, “Oh, thank goodness we are together. I’d just HATE to be back out there again.” Then real life continued… Since the last time I had a serious boyfriend was years ago, I was out of practice in figuring out how to manage being in a real relationship. By the time I had figured how to get back in the saddle and ride with out falling off, it was over. So now I get to return to the other side. The dark side. Now I am looking to remember just how to DATE.

Enter Jess McCann, dating coach, author of now two books, one of which is being re-relased Feb 5th. The first time I laid eyes on this blond, tall, slender beauty, I wasn’t totally convinced I’d be able to learn much from her. It was years ago when I was a dating queen, and she seemed to be too much “pretty girl-next-door” type. Too sweet. Then I read her book “You Lost Him at Hello” and was like, um, what a smart woman! Fast forward to today, when I realize her new book was going to be launching, and I was suddenly single. Hello UNIVERSE.

So Jess and I meet for coffee at Arlington’s EuroMarket … continue reading full article. Continue reading

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School of Love : Are you flunking out?

businesswoman

My client, Julie (not her real name,) is a stunner. Men zero in on her the minute she enters a room. She’s got tons of charisma and knows how to flirt like a pro. She never has a shortage of dates. But Julie cannot hold down a boyfriend from more than three months. Three months and the guy moves on to someone else. When she decided to sign up for date consulting, she was 31 years old and void of all hope that she would ever marry.

“I don’t know why I am so unlucky in love,” she told me. “Nothing ever works out for me. I meet guys all the time. You would think at least one would turn into something, but it never does.” Julie was baffled. Her friends told her she was cursed. Her mom told her she was too pretty and intimidating. Her Dad said she was picking the wrong guys.

The truth is, Julie’s big problem was actually fear. Deep down, she was terrified she would end up alone. Whenever she started dating someone, she immediately began treating them as if they were her boyfriend. She would assume “this is it” with every guy she met. She assumed they were in love with her because they had asked for her phone number. She assumed they wanted to spend all their time with her, without really even knowing her. And she assumed whenever they didn’t do exactly what she wanted, they would leave her – and she would immediately get angry and frustrated with them.

Julie had no idea that she was unconsciously sabotaging her relationships. Once we pinpointed the problem, Julie’s work was just beginning. Today, she has to constantly work at keeping her fear at bay. It’s not easy to do, but she has a plan in place and is working on it. Without identifying this problem and working at the solution daily, Julie would keep dating the way she always had, and getting the results she always got.

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What everyone should know about hooking up…

Hooking-upYou are out with your friends enjoying a few drinks on a beautiful night. Your phone vibrates. You have one new text message. You pick it up and see that it’s Sam, a guy you met three weeks ago and hooked up with because you were really wasted. He’s a nice guy, but ever since that night, he’s been pseudo-stalking you. You’ve been cordial, answering some of his texts and calls, mostly because you like the attention, but he’s just not the one for you. You tell your friends at the table, “It’s Sam the stalker again. He is out in DC and wants to know where I am.” There’s a round of snickers and laughs. Someone tells you to be nice to the poor guy and tell him where you are. You never know, he might have cute friends, she says. You take a sip of your margarita and say, “Let’s see how the night goes. If we don’t find any cute guys here, I will tell him to come by.”

Two hours and two rounds later, no one at the table has seen anyone cute. You are almost forced by one of your oversexed friends to call Sam and bring his entourage over. By now you have a good buzz going and figure, why not. He’ll buy you your next round and tell you how hot you are. So you text Sam and tell him where you are in Arlington. You laugh to yourself because you don’t even have to extend an invitation. You know very well that he’s going to say by some strange coincidence that he’s at the bar next door and will just swing by. Fifteen minutes later, Sam, his best friend, and his roommate stroll into bar. People are introduced, shots are ordered, and the night officially begins. Sam is all over you and the more you drink, the more you like it. By the end of the night, you and Sam are stumbling back to your place. You guys make out all over your apartment and for some reason it’s really great. Maybe it’s because you’ve been going through a dry spell, but whatever the reason, you are into it. You continue to make out with Sam and the more you kiss him, the more you like him. How could you have disregarded him before? Maybe he’s not as bad as you initially thought.

And then you wake up the next day completely sober and realize you had on major margarita glasses. Sam is lying in your bed, snoring like a sabertooth tiger, drooling on your favorite pillow. You are annoyed like crazy. How long is going to be here, you wonder? He finally wakes up, smiling like a cheshire cat, and pats the space next to him, indicating he wants you to lie back down. You’d rather shoot yourself than cuddle with Sam so you make up an excuse about having to run into work that morning. Disappointed, Sam reluctantly and slowly, gets out of your bed. You throw his pants at him and watch him stumble to get dressed, knocking over your alarm clock and family photo in the process. He apologizes and then asks if you have time to grab some breakfast. Ah, sorry no. You really don’t. Some other time maybe. Sam picks up on your unintentional invitation to do this again, and says, “Ok, when? Do you want to meet up later tonight?” At this point you just want him out of your apartment so you tell him to call you later and you will see about getting together. He finally leaves after you pretend to walk to your car. You get back to your apartment and collapse on the couch. You eventually drift off to sleep but not before labeling Sam’s number DO NOT ANSWER into your cell phone.

I know you can all related to this story. We have all had guys we just aren’t into, chase after us relentlessly. We’ve all caved and been nice to them, even hooked up with them once or twice. We’ve kept them on the back burner in cases of emergency and extreme boredom. But guess what? This story is not what you think. You’ve just entered the Twilight Zone. You were not out with your girlfriends having margaritas last night. You were in DC, hanging out with your best friend and her roommate, hoping to hear from the guy you met three weeks ago and had a hot hook up with. A hook up you have not been able to stop thinking about. That’s right, in this scenario, YOU are Sam. You were the one who texted him to find out where he was. You were elated when he told you he was at the Eventide rooftop in Arlington. You rushed over and played it off as if you at the bar next door. You met up with him and his friends, had some drinks and ended up back at his place, where at some point in the night you fell completely in love. You woke up in his bed filled with excitement. You are certain he likes you now. He wanted to go to breakfast, but a work emergency took priority. Totally understandable. You like him even more because he’s ambitious. He told you to call him later and you guys would meet up again that night.

Maybe you saw this switch-a-roo coming from a mile away. Maybe my Twilight Zone blog was totally predictable. I really don’t know. What I do know is this. There are lots of girls out there that string along men they aren’t interested in. They hook up with them when it’s convenient, call when they are lonely and use them when they want to. Those same women often Continue reading

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Will you ever find the perfect guy? : The answer is no

I went out last week with a girlfriend who is notorious for complaining about men. She’s been dating a new one for a few weeks now and is still very hung up on the fact that his eyebrows are a bit too bushy. That night she said to me, “Jess, I just don’t know if I can have sex with those eyebrows!” Which sounds funny but is also kind of sad. This is the tenth guy she’s dated this year. Yes, I said tenth! And every single one of them has had some atypical attribute she didn’t like. This time it’s the eyebrows, but last time it was the guy’s phone voice. The time before that, it was his bald spot. And the time before that, it was his hairy back. Basically every time she went out with a guy, she always found a physical flaw that ultimately drove her away.

Now, I am one person that has always advocated the motto, “Don’t settle for less than what you want.” I think you should go after whatever and whoever tickles your fancy. But there is a point where you can abuse the phrase. There is a BIG difference in settling for someone who treats you like dirt, or someone that doesn’t share any of the interests you do, than there is settling for bushy eyebrows — because hello, that can be easily changed with some gentle coaxing at the appropriate moment. I’ve noticed a lot of women that are single because they supposedly want to be, all have one thing in common: they are picky to a fault. I’ll admit I was a picky one too, but at some point you have to ask yourself, are you being impossibly picky? Are you expecting too much? I have a client who is 47 years old, has never married, and is the engineer on the picky train. She finds fault with everyone. And you know what, she always will. That is where the phrase, “no one is perfect” comes from. No one is perfect, so if you are looking for the flawless man with the perfect job, family, clothes and eyebrows, you will never find him. Even if you recant with the typical, “I just want someone who is perfect for me!” phrase, I assure you it still won’t exist. Men are just human, and they all have flaws, quirks, and misshaped eyebrows (or something else weird you won’t like.) And in some respect you also have to look at yourself and say, I’m not perfect either, so how can I expect someone else to be. Are you without flaw? Maybe according to you you don’t, but to someone else you may have many.

Most of the time I’ve noticed that women want something in a man that they themselves do not possess. But who we are, is who we attract. So if you don’t eat right and work out, how can you expect to attract someone who is in good shape? If you are frivolous with your money or always in debt, how can you expect to land a guy who is financially responsible?

I’ve learned over the course of my dating career that there are two things to put a top your priority list. 1) look for men with good character. Ones that have the values and goals you want, and not to spend too much time picking at the little things like eyebrows. And 2) the best way to attract a hard-working, attractive, fun and genuine guy is to be all those things yourself. Wouldn’t you agree?

If you are tired of having the same bad luck when it comes to relationships, DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE IT! Email me at coach@jessmccann.com and get a one-on-one personal consulting session. Together we will figure out what you could be doing wrong, or what you can be doing better so you get the relationship you deserve.

Also check out my book, You Lost Him at Hello and learn the tricks of the trade — Filling your Funnel, Height of Impulse, Mirror Theory — so you can close the deal with any guy you want. Give yourself or a friend the best gift – good advice. New! As of September 27, 2011 – You can follow me on Twitter@iamJessMcCann and check out my new book, Was it Something I Said, hitting stores January 2013.

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Why Hasn’t He Called?

When You Should NOT Respond.

How to Tell If He Likes You or Just Wants to Hook Up.

Why He Chose Her Over You?

How to Get to Girlfriend Status!

Is He Losing Interest?

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The Smartest Woman to ever Date: How you can find a boyfriend and keep him

dating tips, dating website, dating coachI just took on a new client earlier this month. She is my oldest client, well into her sixties, however, she also happens to be my smartest client. Not because she has an impressive career track, although she does. And not because she has more years of experience. When this client came to see me, she said something that no other client has ever said to me. Something that surprised me, and had me wishing for ten more just like her.

The first question I ask all new clients is, “How is your current dating situation?” To which the reply never falls far from, “It’s terrible!” Why it is terrible runs the gamut: He only calls once a week, he ignores me in public, he can’t say “I love you.” You name it, I’ve heard it. But this time was different. When I asked my fledgling client to describe her current dating situation to me she did not break out her basket of woes. She grinned from ear to ear and said, “It’s good! And I’m here to make sure it stays that way.”

It was a shock and a relief to hear. I can’t tell you how many women come to me for damage control. After they have been dumped, stood-up or cheated on, they come seeking my help. Which is fine. That’s what I am here for. However, the chances of really salvaging their current relationship are much lower. The damage is done and if it’s really bad, there isn’t much you can do with the wreckage except send it to the dumpster and move on. This woman had a different story. She had started dating a man a few weeks ago and knew she was going to fall for him. Instead of trying to land him herself, falling flat on her face and then running to me crying, she sought me out immediately stating she wanted to do things right. She wanted guidance so she did not repeat the mistakes of her past and the mistakes she sees so many other women make. We started coaching and within two days I was sent an email filled with elation. She told me I was a “miracle worker” and that her new man was suddenly expressing himself in ways he never was before. He told her he missed her and had been thinking about her non stop. After a week of coaching, his calls went from once a week to every other day, even when he was traveling on business.

Now of course, I feel wonderful that her situation has gone from good to great. However I really did not write this blog to pat myself on the back, or as a sales pitch to hire me as your dating coach. My point is this. Be proactive. Do not wait for the sky to fall before seeking help. By then, it’s much, much harder, and sometimes just too late to undue the disaster. If you find a guy you like, find help to guide you as well. Read books! Ask a friend! Just make sure it’s a friend with a documented track record of dating success. No blind leading the blind. Don’t start something hoping for the best and then hit the self-help aisle when you’ve made a big mess of things. Follow my new clients lead. I f things are going well, great! You have a good foundation to build on. Now, go get some help to ensure that this new relationship takes off without a hitch! Don’t get cocky and prideful thinking you can do it on your own this time, even though you’ve fallen on your face all the others. If you know that you have a rocky relationship past, suck it up and ask for help.

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