Am I in a relationship of convenience?

[caption id="attachment_1199" align="alignleft" width="300"]By Nuttakit By Nuttakit[/caption]

My husband and I were out to dinner with some friends the other night and one of them started talking about her relationship with her boyfriend. She had been frustrated over the last several weeks because of his inflexible attitude. We all listened and gave her the usual, polite excuses for his behavior (after all you can’t tell someone the harsh truth with seven other people sitting there.) But after dinner my husband shook his head and said to me, “I feel really bad for her. It’s obvious that he’s only with her out of convenience.”I thought it was interesting to have the male perspective on this. So I asked him. What’s the number one sign that a guy is only with a girl because it’s convenient? His answer? I’m going to paraphrase because it was late and I was full of spicy tuna rolls, but it went something like, “when a guy gets annoyed at the drop of a hat by anything his girlfriend says or does, that’s a big sign of a relationship of convenience.” So for example, you are running late from work and you call your boyfriend to ask him to take the chicken out of the fridge and pre-heat the oven for you, and he gets annoyed and tells you that he’s about to go to the gym and can’t be bothered. Or, you have told him that your cousin wants to have you two over one night, and when you bring it up for the third time he says something like, “I don’t know when I can do it! Why do you have to keep asking me every five minutes??”

If your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or partner has a very short fuse and you hesitate to ask them for anything, you may be in a relationship of convenience. If it’s not convenient for them to get off their butt and pre-heat the oven, or it’s not convenient for them to sacrifice a night at your cousins, how can you argue his intentions? My husband spoke from his own experience and said, “I’ve been there. When I’m mentally done with a relationship, but haven’t told the girl yet, it’s exactly the way I act. It’s not cool, but sometimes the guy doesn’t even realize the reason why he’s doing it. Often in these situations, the guy ends up pushing the girl to end the relationship. He’s such an inflexible jerk, she has no choice.” Continue reading

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What makes you the most attractive girl in the room?

Joyful partyYou’ve probably heard by now about Heidi Montag’s ten hour body and facial renovation. If you haven’t, you can read about it in just about any tabloid mag. In November she underwent major plastic surgery. Ten hours under the knife to correct her chin, ears, eyebrows, already augmented breasts, and a variety of other alleged imperfections . All together she spent an estimated 30,000 dollars and to be honest, she looks the same to me.

Since this story broke it really made me think about women these days and how obsessed we can be when it comes to our appearance. In general, we pour a lot of money, time, and energy into our physique. When was the last time you’ve spent less than 3-4 hours and $200 at a hair salon? And you have to go every six to eight weeks or your hair starts to look unwashed. But that’s just the standard. What about those of us that spend thousands of dollars each year on designer clothes, shoes, and handbags? Or religiously schedule routine botox and collagen injections? In general the female population in America is really, really focused on looking good. I’m not judging or saying it’s a bad thing, I freak out myself if I have a bad hair day, but here is one thing I want all women to think about: while we are spending so much time and energy on the outside, what is happening to the inside? When do we put time and money into making the inside of us as beautiful and interesting? In the long run, your personality, sense of humor and intelligence is what makes or breaks you as a person. It is what will stay with you throughout the years. While your skin will sag, hair will thin, and metabolism will slow, the inside of you can be as attractive at 70 as it was at 30… if you let it.

Pretty faces are a dime a dozen in most towns. But what is rare is a woman with a wicked sense of humor. A girl that can beat you at pool. A lady that is as smart as she is sexy. I remember being in college and going to a party where someone had broken out a guitar. A few guys toyed around with it and tried playing a few songs when two girls walked by. One of them insisted the guys give her friend the guitar, saying she knew how to play. The friend shook her head and refused at first, but after some coaxing she sat down and began to play. To say she blew everyone away was an understatement. This girl could really play. The guys were awestruck. Suddenly this chick was the hottest girl in the room. She only played for five minutes but she was the belle of the ball for the next five hours.

If you are single and ready to settle down, the best piece of advice I can give you is to spend less time trying to compete physically with all the other women in the world, and focus on what makes you different on the inside. Any man that marries you based on your looks will only trade you for a younger model down the road. What will keep your relationship strong and solid is mutual respect. And although most guys can appreciate a nice rack, it’s not enough to sustain the long haul.

Next time you are headed to the mall because you need a new outfit, check out the Barnes & Noble instead of Dolce & Gabbana. Instead of spending an hour at Nail Love, spend that hour practicing piano. What sets you apart and makes you different is what makes you the most attractive. So in between a wax and a tan, make sure you also log some time into making yourself better on the inside. I guarantee it will pay off a lot more in the long run.

To learn more about Jess and her dating techniques, visit www.jessmccann.com New! As of September 27, 2011 – You can follow me on Twitter @iamJessMcCann Continue reading

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The chemistry is there, but the relationship is not : why women hold out for the guy that turned them down

dating website, hooking upCallie’s first date with Mark was awesome. He had taken her to a Wizards game, where they had floor seats. Afterward, they grabbed a late dinner at Proof, where Mark impressed her with his vast knowledge of Italian wine. They split a dessert, each had a cappuccino, and discussed their favorite books and movies. When the evening was over, Mark drove Callie home and lingered at the door hoping for an invitation inside.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” Callie asked.

“Only if you aren’t tired,” Mark said.

Callie smiled and stepped into the house. She looked back to see Mark still standing there.

“I’m not tired at all, actually,” she said flopping down on her couch.

Mark walked through the door and closed it behind him.

The next morning Mark woke up to find Callie in the kitchen. After an awkward goodbye, he headed back to his car to get moving on his day. He promised Callie he’d call her later that evening, but he already had plans with the guys. I will call her later this week, he thought.

Meanwhile Callie was already on the phone with her best friend, retelling the nights’ events.

“You slept with him?!” Her friend gasped.

“I know, I was bad. I shouldn’t have. But we had such amazing chemistry.” Callie explained. “He’s going to call me later tonight. Maybe we will go to a movie.”

Of course Mark never called. Callie sat home for a while but then forced herself to meet up with her friends at a bar down the street. She lamented to them that she hadn’t heard from Mark and began to think she had done something wrong.

“I don’t think I thanked him for dinner!” She exclaimed quickly breaking out her iphone. “I’m going to text him and say thanks again for the wonderful night.” Before her friends could interject, she had already sent the message.

Mark texted back on Sunday night telling her he was exhausted from the weekend and maybe they would catch up that weekend. Callie was completely thrown off by this comment. Maybe? What does maybe mean? Her friends told her to play cool and just wait to hear from him again. She did, and he called. They decided to meet up for a drink around nine that evening. Everything went well just as it did on their last date. Callie felt silly for stressing out. Clearly Mark liked her, all the signs were there. They stayed out until the bar closed at 2pm. As they walked out the door, Mark grabbed her and kissed her.

“Come back to my place?” He asked.

“Okay.” She said.

You can guess what happened next. After they had sex for the second time they didn’t talk for almost a week. Callie was going nuts this go round. Why wasn’t he calling and asking to see her? Was there someone else in the picture? She hadn’t done anything wrong. They had amazing chemistry. Why would he seem so interested one minute, but then not contact her the next?

She decided to do a little investigating on the Internet. She had already friended Mark so she could see everything he was doing. He had a few pics posted with the same girl, but she couldn’t be sure if they were together. She felt helpless and depressed. What could she do? She was wrought with anxiety. She picked up her phone and decided to text him, only to say hi. She would feel better just hearing back from him. Unfortunately he didn’t respond.

That week was torture for Callie. Finally on Friday night, Mark texted her. She was so upset that he waited so long that she called him instead of texting back. When Mark answered the phone, he was his usually jovial self.

“Hey you!” He said.

“Where have you been lately?” Callie asked as if she were neglected mother who’s son hadn’t called home in awhile.

“Just around. Why?” He asked.

“I haven’t heard from you and I thought I would. I’m not sure what to think really because we had such a good time on our dates. I guess I thought you would want to see me more.”

The silence on the line indicated how uncomfortable Mark was at that moment.

“I do like you, I just don’t really think I want a serious relationship right now. I thought we were having a good time.”

At that point, Callie should have hung up the phone and walked away. Continue reading

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