He’s a sweet guy. He always asks you about your day. When you needed a ride to the airport he didn’t hesitate to volunteer, and when you go out to eat he always let’s you pick the appetizer. It’s only been a few months, but everything is going so well, and that, in itself, may be your biggest reservation. When life is on cruise control and there aren’t many complications, how can you see what a man is really made of? It’s so easy to be agreeable and easy going when you aren’t in the midst of stress or disappointment, but that’s when you usually see someone’s true character.
I’ve got a theory, and although it’s not been scientifically tested, I think it’s pretty accurate most of the time. If you want to know who a guy is, and what he’s like in a relationship (especially in times of stress or disagreement), all you need to do is check out the way he drives.
The road is the only place where we all have to coexist with each other in completely neutral territory. How a guy treats his fellow drivers tells you a lot about how he views himself, other people, and life in general. For example, does he put the pedal to the metal, speeding down streets, cutting people off in attempt to get where he’s going fast? If that’s his typical behind-the-wheel behavior then you are dealing with someone who thinks he owns the road. How does that translate in a relationship? Typically, this kind of guy always thinks he’s in the right, and has little regard for other people’s feelings. You’ll find out quickly that when it comes to you, his motto is, “My way or the highway.”
Or maybe he’s not the kind of guy to disobey traffic laws, and he’s generally a pretty safe driver, but heaven forbid if someone else doesn’t use their turn signal! Or worse, they change lanes unexpectedly and cut him off. If you are in a relationship with someone that explodes into road rage when other people don’t drive to his liking you are dealing with a perfectionist. This is the kind of guy that is happy when things are going his way, but when he has to deal with opposition or imperfection, his mood sinks. This can be hard in a relationship because life isn’t perfect and you can’t control everything, so having a partner who is easily aggravated by that fact can be a big source of stress. Perfectionists have big mood swings both on and off the road.
Then there is the overly cautious driver. The one who won’t pull out into traffic if he sees a car coming two miles away. He’s likely to coast under the speed limit, and never passes on an opportunity to wave another driver ahead of him. He’s not the most confident guy, and most definitely a people-pleaser, but there is nothing wrong with that. You just have to accept that you are coupling up with a man who takes his time, and for some women, that can be frustrating. He’s likely to put your feelings first in your relationship, which is good, but he can also put other people (your friends, your neighbor, your neighbor’s dog) before your relationship, as well.
These are just a few of the road habits that can give you insight about a guy. It’s a secret strategy that has served me (and my clients) well when assessing the opposite sex. It’s better than fishing for information through friends or family because they will always be somewhat biased. That’s the great thing about the road. Everyone uses it, so everyone has a relationship with it, but the road itself is never partial. It’s a mirror, bringing out the true colors in anyone who’s on it. That’s why if you want to know who someone is, just ask the road. It never lies.
If you are having trouble assessing someone you are dating, or if you are in a relationship or marriage with someone you don’t know how to deal with, please contact me about coaching at www.jessmccann.com/contact
When a girl likes a guy, she will put up with a lot. Flaking on phone calls, cancelling plans, and even dropping hints that a long term relationship may not be in the cards. Every day I receive emails from women who are desperately seeking advice on how to deal with the object of their affection and frustration. While I can give tips and techniques on how to get him to initiate more texts, or how to have that relationship talk, the real question here is why do so many women want to be in a relationship with someone who constantly frustrates and disappoints them?
1. You Only Really Like The Outside. He may be 6’2, drive a Benz, and have a wicked cute smile, but he also cancels at the last minute, waits days to call, and keeps you on edge at all times. You want him, but you also can’t stand him and that is because you are smitten with the exterior package he portrays. Sure, he’s good looking, charming, and funny, but those are all surface level qualities and what matters most when deciding to get involved with a man is his core character. Is he a man of his word? Is he someone who puts others first? Does he treat all people with the same respect? Most importantly, how does he make you feel when you’re with him? As I talk about in my book, Was It Something I Said?: The Answer to All Your Dating Dilemmas, these are the more important things to consider, so when you are frustrated by your guy, ask yourself if what’s going on here is that you love the outside but hate what’s inside? Even though you may be wildly attracted to him now, after a few years of being with a man who lacks character, you won’t care how cute his butt looks in those jeans. You won’t be able to stand the sight of him.
2. He’s A Prize To Be Won. You’ve already invested a few months and although things aren’t exactly going well, you’ll be damned if you give up and walk away now. But your quest to officially land him has become more about validating yourself than it is about finding true love. When we get involved with people who are selfish or unreliable (for example) it make us question are worth. It shouldn’t, because it’s not our fault a guy lacks character, but for some reason we tell ourselves that if he liked us more, he’d behave better. So getting him to change his ways is secretly about regaining our own self-image. If we get him to like us, we think we’ll feel confident again. Sadly, however, it’s not only a lost cause because a leopard doesn’t change his spots, but when we put our self-worth in anyone’s hands but our own, it will never be safe.
3. You’re addicted To “Wanting” A Relationship. Yes, it is a real addiction just like drugs, alcohol, or designer shoe shopping. You can become addicted to wanting a relationship. Therefore you subconsciously pick people that will never give you one, and reject people that you know want one from you! After years of riding the relationship roller coaster with men, you’ve become addicted to the high’s and low’s. The safe, stable, ground seems boring and uninteresting to you. Unfortunately, real love does not feel like your riding Magic Mountain, so if you keep chasing the “wanting” feeling, you’ll never get to the real good stuff.
If you are only attracted to the wrong types of guys and constantly find yourself never satisfied with your relationships, it may be time to seek professional advice. You can contact me through my website for personal coaching, or you can pick up my two books on Amazon or at any book store.
The photo above is provided by Freedigitalphotos.net/By marin, published on 11 November 2012 Stock photo – image ID: 100112062
[caption id="attachment_1685" align="alignleft" width="138"] Was It Something I Said? By Jess McCann[/caption] Continue reading