You’ve been waiting all day to hear from him. He said he’d text you later and school has been out for almost an hour. Suddenly you hear a chime. Your stomach knots as you lunge for your phone. It’s him! You quickly unlock your home screen and wait for the message to appear. Then you see it.
“Send me a nude”
Your excitement has quickly turned into anxiety. What should you do? You like this guy. You want him to like you. But you don’t feel comfortable sending him a nude photo. You feel stuck because you know how this game usually goes for girls. You can send the pic, risk him passing it around to all of his friends and earn yourself a “slut” label, or deny him, lose his interest and he’ll start telling people you’re prude. Whatever you decide, you feel like you’ve already lost.
What To Do?
Let’s be real. You don’t want to send him a nude photo. You don’t want to send any guy a nude photo. You just want this guy to like you. You want him to be your boyfriend. Hold your hand. Care about you. That’s what you really want. And I’m telling you right now, sending that photo isn’t going to ensure that happens. The more likely scenario is just what you suspected. He will share it with his friends, it will circulate through your high school, and you will probably be slut-shammed like that girl in your Geometry class last week. Knowing this as well as you do should make you feel good about your decision to deny his request. But there is a consequence with that, too. Teenage boys are getting good at manipulating girls into giving them what they want. They know calling you a “prude” can hurt just as much, and they hope that pains you enough to give in.
But you are not a prude. No matter what any guy says. What you are is a girl who won’t be pushed or pressured by a guy into doing something she will surely regret later. And you would regret it. So what’s the best response? Is there anything you can do in order to keep this guys’ interest (because I know you still want it), but somehow prevent him from shaming you with the “prude” put-down?
There are several responses you can give and I’m going to help you with them. But before I lay them out, I want to say one thing. Girls often complain that all guys want from them is sex and that traditional dating is dead. But boys are not all to blame for this. Girls are giving in too easily to their salacious requests, or they are laughing them off which tells a guy that while you aren’t going to grant his wish, you are totally fine with him asking. And if you are fine with it, he will ask again because eventually he knows he will wear you down. The only way to change the dating atmosphere is to demand change, girls. There will always be a few females that will give the rest of us a bad rap, but if you all want to be treated with respect, don’t just whine and complain about it. Do what is necessary to get it!
You can use the replies below not only in response to his nude photo request. If any guy asks you to do something you are uncomfortable with – give him a blow-job, hook-up, have sex, experiment with other girls for his viewing pleasure, try a threesome, etc – these are a few of the ways to handle him.
(I assume all these communications are over text since it’s the most probable scenario.)
He says “Insert over-the-top sexual request” and you reply:
- With nothing
This is very powerful because you cannot be held to anything. Going silent will confuse him for sure, but it will also give him time to think about what he just asked of you and worry about how you’re taking it. Believe me, he doesn’t want to look bad either. You can let your non-response linger all day and night which will have him sweating by morning. Then, when you see him in the hall on your way to class, you can give him a half-smile as if to say, “I’m just going to let that one slide.” Or you can wave to let him know you have moved on from the incident. Either way, it’s not likely he will ask again (unless he’s a total idiot.)
- Seriously?! (with optional frowny face)
If this guy is going to be so bold as to ask you for a picture of your naked body, then you should be just as bold back. You don’t need to explain anything, this reply says it all. If he doesn’t text you again for the rest of the day, mission accomplished. You haven’t lost him. You’ve stood up for yourself and he got the message. He’s withdrawal means he’s feeling sheepish and rethinking his actions. Do not text him again. Wait a day and then act as if all is normal by smiling at him in class, or sending him an icebreaker tomorrow.
The rest of these responses speak for themselves.
- Ugh. Did you really just ask me that? I’m a little disappointed. I thought you were different from other guys.
– I’m sorry, you have me mistaken for someone that doesn’t have any brains or morals.
– How gentlemanly of you to ask!
– Send me a pizza (since we are asking for things we like)
– I like you, and since you are asking for that I am guessing you like me too. I’m not going to send you a nude photo, though. (Or give him a blow-job, or whatever else he’s asking.) I’m not prude, I just have standards. If you don’t like me now because of that, I guess I know what yours are.
And if you can’t muster the courage to send any of the above, here is a default response.
– Send a picture like this:
If you want to know how to handle more sticky situations you can read my book, “Was It Something I Said: The answer to all your dating dilemmas” or you can continue reading my blog for advice. Click here to load more blogs.
I’m also a dating and relationship coach, so you can contact me through my contact page to ask about coaching rates in person, over the phone or through email. If you are a teenager, or a woman under the age of 24, contact me for a special discounted rate (you just need to send a photo of yourself with drivers license for proof of age.) Continue reading →
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